Homesick

As in 'bring her home' sick. I am feeling literally sick to my stomach every time I think about how much longer it could be to bring Olivia Selam home.

I KNOW we were submitted at lightening flash speed.
I KNOW our 2 weeks, until you hear something, is just up tomorrow.
I KNOW many, many, parents had to wait much, much longer than us so far.

BUT, I still know that every morning as soon as my eyes open I am popping up and racing to a computer to check emails for early morning Embassy news. And my stomach drops at 10 am everyday as I recognize the end of their workday.

Last week we heard of some really fast, like super duper fast, Embassy clearances. Like under a week cleared. And the next day we got a generous, $2000 donation to pay for my plane ticket so I was reading the writing on the wall that said God was moving and I should get packing. This week, my weakness has kicked in and I'm back to trying to prepare myself for our paperwork to take a Nairobi trip which = a month more minimum. So much for my flexing those faith muscles. Thank goodness for my prayer warrior friends who I know have got my back!!

Someone had told me this was the hardest part of the wait and I was all like, 'NO, our 2 year referral wait was pretty dang hard - this is a piece of cake'. I have 300 brown eyed munchkin photos and 2 hours of video to feast on. Well friends..... this is the hardest part of the wait...

Come home soon baby cakes. Mommy has baby fever.

Embassy Submitted!!! and What's that all about???

I just went back and checked out my previous posts and no wonder I don't get any comments - those things are long!!! Everyone fell asleep before they got to the end. So this will be short... promise. Well, in Tracy terms anyway.

We were submitted to Embassy on Wed - March 28!!!

Exactly 20 days after passing court. About the fastest embassy submission I have seen so far!! They sent us a copy of all the forms so we now have her ultra cute new birth certificate, with us listed as her parents. And her sweet little Passport photo. SO, SO cool to know I was holding her up to have that photo made.

What's up with her new name: Selamawit Tony Wages. (smile) So many people have asked, why not Olivia?? Olivia is the name we have been calling her for 2 years and the child we have been praying for. So we choose to change her name to Olivia when we re-adopt her state-side. For now, she still has the name given to her in Ethiopia - Selamawit (means- she is peaceful). But Ethiopians usually don't call a girl Selamawit, so she is being called by the nickname Selam. Which is why we are using that as her middle name. Ethiopians also give their children the father's name as their middle name. Thus, the ultra feminine middle name of 'Tony' on her birth certificate.

just look at all that curly hair!!!! Can't wait til it grows back out from her stylish orphanage shave.
Another interesting tidbit:
Her birthday was just changed. What???? I KNOW. Olivia is now 2 months younger than she was. In Ethiopia, birthdays are rarely recorded as the majority of children are not born with a physician present, much less in a hospital. Which contributes to why so many orphans; as so many young mothers pass away in childbirth (1 in 5 births).

So her original birthday was estimated based on her size and weight. For some reason, the paperwork has her at another birthday than the one we originally had estimated. So she is now only 10 months old vs 12. Which means we should be able to celebrate her first birthday with her in June!!!
However, I think the first birthday in April was more accurate according to her medical records and weight/length. But whatev, right??? When she is 2 or 3, those 2 months aren't going to mean anything. Besides the fact that she is now a summer baby like Seth and I and will hate having birthday parties that no one comes to and having all your friends forget to call because they are at Myrtle Beach. But I'm not bitter at all.

So what now??
The Embassy will take about 2 weeks to review our case.

Then most likely will need to send it to Nairobi to have the higher ups to review and (hopefully) pass us through. The entire process takes about 3 weeks for Nairobi.

So our agency is estimating mid-May for our embassy appointment to be scheduled. Appointment as in 'your presence is requested at our little DMV window in Addis to tell us you promise to love, protect, and teach to obey this little peanut you are now forever holding in your arms.'

For the first time, I can't WAIT to be in that efficient (cough, cough) governmental agency.

Answered Prayers - Adoption Edition

Bathed in prayer. Prayer warriors. Prayers of a child. Powerful weapons indeed.

As we prepared to travel across the ocean with 3 bio kids in tow... we had many people tell us 'we'll be praying for you.' We asked MANY people - would you please pray for us? How often we tell someone we will pray for them and then go about our day with hardly another thought? However, my friends, I have some praying friends who take their jobs seriously!! And we felt it.

Specifically, we had asked for good health for our family. No matter who, or when, someone travels to Africa, usually someone in their group is throwing up, or ahem, something else. Always. And with 6 of us going, the chances of a sickie were pretty high. But no - we were blessed with good health all week. There were a few instances of a little nauseau, but overall, no major stomach bugs which was a huge praise!

We had also prayed that Olivia would attach well with her new family. The kids prayed every night that she would 'dream about us' so that she would know us and accept us. Lots of prayers went up on our behalf for this concern as well.

So the day we landed in Ethiopia, we had about 2 hours to shower (or nap). Then lunch (which is never quick in Africa), and then we were on our way to meet our sweet one. When we arrived at the transition home, they have kind of a mini-ceremony of the parents-to-be standing on the big porch and the nanny then marches the little bride out the door and 'gives her away'. We have seen many videos but had NO idea what to expect from little miss. But she did great! One, they don't go outside very much so I'm sure she felt out of her element, and two - here's a big group of white people hugging all over me and throwing toys in my face! But let me tell you, this baby had a miraculous week in my opinion. God had prepared her heart in advance for us and in the following sequence of photos - you can see her little personality coming out and her just coming alive!

Day 1 : This is immediately after they handed me Olivia. She whimpered for about 5 minutes and then was just shell-shocked the rest of the day. Everyone asked me if I cried, which I didn't. I think I just went into mommy-mode and knew my job was to calm this sweet babe of mine; so I didn't have time to get emotional.

The look on her face was pretty much static that day. Not much emotion but at least no screaming or terror on her face. And great attention to both us and the kids. She was studying us most of the day but then was comfortable enough to fall asleep in our arms.

Day 2 : I thought we may have a problem when Addi asked first thing to hold the baby. I told her she could while I put my sling on but moments after handing her Olivia, she let our a wail, which got Addison crying and wailing "she haaaaates me!" Sisters. We let her instead feed her cereal later and that made everything ok.

Sneaking in a little bit of a smile. Less of the blank stare. We met with the Dr. this day and I was anxious to see how she would do with our Ethiopians versus a white mommy. Would she reach for them and want out of my arms? No! Even the Dr. said it looked like she was doing so well with us.

Day 3: Our turning point - amazingly soon. I had first gone to get Olivia and then a little later they started bringing out the other babies for me to take photos of. So I tried to hand Livvie to Tony. No go. I tried setting her down beside me with the other babies we were photographing. Wasn't having it. But she was like this in my arms. Prayers answered as my baby wants to be MY baby.

We also tried to get her to crawl some this day. But if she was taken away from me, she would cry. If she tried to get off my lap to retrieve a toy, she would attempt to crawl but then quickly reach back to touch me and make sure I was still there. Limited her range of motion a bit. That afternoon I cried when I handed her back to the nanny and she reached for me and cried. Just a taste of the seperation to come.

Day 4: This was our court date. We went to court that morning, found out we had passed and heard the words 'she is yours'. After lunch we came to the transition home to find a sick baby who just didn't feel good. I think they had just given her some kind of cold medicine which doped her up a bit. But she still did great with us and would even let the kids hold her and play with her more. Can you see a difference in this child from day 1?? Four days! Only by the grace of God. Her behavior was flying in the face of all the adoption books I had been reading that cautioned me of rare eye contact, avoidance behaviors, or of being ok with all adults with no preferences for family....

Day 5: Olivia had been babbling /dadada/ since about day 3. She loves to talk (hmm, where would she get THAT from as a Wages?) But this day, I finally was able to get her to start imitating /mama/ and was able to capture on film the FIRST time she said it for me. Heaven.She also felt a little more secure and would let Seth take her a foot or so away to crawl to me. She wouldn't crawl back once in my arms, but at least she didn't have a fit when he took her out of my arms. By this day, she was doing so much better with the kids and would look for them to play with her - peek-a-boo, patty-cake, and let-me-see-how-many-abnoxious-noises-I-can-entertain-my-sister-with.Day 6 & 7 : We left to journey to Nazareth to visit the orphanage she was in for the first 6 months of her life. And then on down to Meki, where she was born, and then Awassa to see wildlife and the hippos. I was really worried how she would react to our brief seperation when we came back.

Day 8 : She did great! When I opened the door to her nursery she was on her belly and looked up at me and smiled! She then crawled over to me quickly. LOVED it.This was also the day that we found out she was a Daddy's girl as well. Tony had taken her in for a diaper change and while she was in the 'closet' being changed, he got down to play with the other babies. When Olivia came out and saw him, she started to whine and cry until he took her. "That's MY Daddy!!" Obviously, no hatred anymore. I foresee many little girl giggles in the future.

So, this post was really more for me than you. As I'm sure hard times will come. And we will face other attachment issues once she comes home. And I wanted a record of God's hand in her and our lives so early on. Proof that we will heal, and she is/was meant to be our daughter. But for that one week and a half, only the prayers of God's children could have orchestrated such a beautiful connection. I even told Tony, I had expected to fill a little bit of oddness at mothering an older child, not of birth. Yes, I loved her - but I expected to fill a little strange. I expected a little awareness as well of mothering a child of another color. But I didn't. It was never weird, or odd, or uneasy at all. She was ours. She was prayed for, and cried for, and is truly a gift of God that fits us perfectly.

Adoption Fundraising

We just got our in-country travel package bill today and paid that bad boy so I have $$ issues on my mind! That and a friend asked for fundraising advice so here it is for anyone else interested.. pardon the crappy grammar/punctuation but I don't have time for a real post right now and am trying to shake sickness - so you get the email version. My apologies.

In regards to in-country expenses, we will be in country 9 days this trip. and 2 more to travel to/from. You only are required to stay 4-5 but we tacked on extra days since this is a once-in-a-lifetime and the airfare is the bulk of the cost - why not stay longer to see more? We have arranged those extra days to go to her hometown and tour the orphanage she stayed in until placed with our agency. So that adds some extra expense but we also feel it is well worth it.

Now onto fundraising - keep in mind that my kids had to have passports, shots, and airfare -- and we had said only, and only IF God provided money for them to go, could they go. So that hikes our price up a bit vs others. My jaw dropped when I added up today's final total. NO.WAY. I have NO idea how all that was paid. I just know that we had $20-$40 little donations, little store sales, little bit in savings for the last 3 years... and it added up. Remember, we started at $0. ZERO.

We have about $3-4000 left to fundraise for Trip #2 but I have no worries!! As my dear friend Farrah told me once re: the kids shots -- write the check as if God has already put the money in your account. Faith.

Fundraising Letters - we put the support letter on the back burner as a 'last resort' since I had just sent out letters a year prior for the Compassion missions trip I took. But would have used it if we still needed to, here in the end stretch. Many people do, and have success. (And it's not off the table for this last amount, either.) One thing to remember, someone once told me as far as sending out letters - you feel like - 'I know they don't have the money so I'm not going to ask' BUT then you are stealing a blessing away from them that God may have intended for them. If they give $10, God may bless them 10-fold. So why make the decision to not give them the opportunity?

As far as tax deductions - our agency has a fund they can donate to and be tax deductible, the Eternal Family Fund. We had $1000 in there today to be taken off our bill owed. $500 made it's way in there without me knowing it. But we also had 2 churches offer to be our conduit for tax ded. donations. They offered for people to write checks to them with our name in the memo and then to write them back to us as a missions donation.

Grants - I also know of several couples who have gotten grants, some straight out, some matching. There are many out there - we are applying for one specifically for Carolina residents now "Caroline's Promise" for the remaining $3000 we need. For most you need a completed homestudy to apply.

Yard Sales - We have had 3 (maybe 4) mega yard sales with anything I could find to sell in our house and donations from other people. We made around $600 each time. But those are ALOT of work, I am henceforth yard-selled out.

In regards to feeling like we need to pay back donations once our adoption is complete - no. I truly feel that God blesses those that follow his commands to help take care of the orphan and it is the same as with missions - some are asked to GO and some are asked to GIVE. None are asked to DO nothing. The tax credit is changing anyway so it will no longer be refundable.. (stinks) so no money coming back into our hands which we could repay to donors anyway. Now it will just offset any taxes we owe. Which will help me as I always owe, being self-employed but families such as pastors and such who never have to pay and always get refunds, wont see
much of anything.

Raffles, suppers - What we started with - $ZERO: a family friend donated a framed print which we raffled off and made $800. you would be surprised how many things you could get donated if you ask. Many families do silent auctions paired with a spaghetti/pancake dinner with homemade cakes etc to get started and have done very well.

T-shirts - we tried doing t-shirts but didn't make much there. lots have good success with selling shirts. "Simply Love" is a cool organization that makes really cute shirts, you can 'purchase' their design kit and sell their shirts for a profit, even if adopting domestically.

Coffee Sales - we signed up with 'just love' coffee company. they are an Ethiopia adopting family but I think are open to any kind of adoption - you just send people to your 'storefront' website address and get $5 for every bag sold. I think we have made around $600 this way with no read effort. The best coffee E'VA.

BIGGEST TIP: don't TRY to raise the money. Let God lead you on what to try and go for. That way he gets the glory and we don't. I have struggled with this on and off but truly, this is the FIRST time (well, this and the trip I took prior) where I actually practiced my faith. Before it was just that he was a God I said I worshiped on Sundays but really didn't believe in His awesome power with my actions. But when I let go and said 'you do it Daddy' it happened.

Fundraising Store - I found a company where I could buy wholesale as I was looking for African toys to sell to adopting parents.. the toys weren't that cute so I didn't. But kept feeling the Spirit tell me to 'buy the zebras and giraffes'. haha. So I did - but they weren't that cute and didn't sell!!! BUT - that got me going with the jewelry and soaps and we have now made $3-4000 off Lil' Olivia's. I have heard of other families who have sold cookie cutters, magnets, stickers, homemade dolls, paintings, etc. Etsy is a great place to find and support families selling items for their adoptions.

I tried to paint watercolor painting and sell them - and haven't sold a one. I had a friend out-of-the-blue give me 15 baby blankets to sell and only have 3 left.

God provides: Over, and over, and over - we have heard - God provides. We have heard it said many times - "you guys are so great to do this, I wish we could." or "I've always wanted to adopt but we just don't have the money." Zero friends. ZERO. Did you catch that? God provided it all. Tens of thousands of dollars that HE provided for us to be blessed enough to call this little munchkin a Wages. Take that first step. Say I will GO. And watch Him WORK.

**just as a reminder, I have a page entitled 'Our Paper Pregnancy' which lists times, costs, etc. associated with our adoption. It isn't to see 'how much she cost' - but instead to encourage others that even when things seem to be hopeless, God still has the details, even when they seem insurmountable and that total amount of $ or total amount of time it takes seem like a mountain too huge to scale.

The Pessimistic's Perception on Wait Times

At this point - I could go back and link up to the top 10 depressing posts of the last 2 years as we waited for our referral. And there were a few standouts.

crying out that we could go no longer
questioning why it was taking so much longer than it should
pouting about how long it was taking

And that's not counting all the 'it should be X many months!!', 'we DEFINITELY will have our baby home in 2011!!', 'yeah, we've been waiting X months!!'. All those and my cheerleader optimism kind of makes me snort now.

And I could list all the comments and encouragements we received in the last months - those that helped, and those that after hearing them for the 1,324,532th time in a year, started to make me throw up just a little in the back of my throat:

It's all in God's timing. God's timing is perfect. Good things come to those who wait. Have you heard anything yet? She's just not ready yet. You'll forget all this once you see her face.

But no, I haven't forgotten. Do I believe in God's timing? YES. A resounding YES. Have I forgotten the tears, the pain, the feeling that God had left us out to dry? NO. A resounding NO.

BUT. What I can tell you - and especially any of you who are in the Hell that is adoption waiting - is that it will pass. And you will be happy you were made to wait.

Last fall I was feeling so defeated... we had counted on a 2011 baby. And a friend got her referral for a gorgeous little girl. And then another got her referral for a teeny tiny little girl. I turned a light shade of green with envy.

I've now seen those two girls. They are NOT my girl.

Right before Christmas, we were praying for a Christmas baby. A dear friend got her referral for another precious little munchkin. Or big munchkin to be exact! Why couldn't we have a Christmas baby to celebrate over I pouted? I've seen that girl.  I've held and kissed that baby girl.  She is NOT my girl.

In late December, we got wind of another teeny tiny little girl. I was #1 on the list and KNEW that was our girl. Our referral was not that teeny tiny little girl. I've seen that precious girl.  Cuddled her close.  She is NOT my girl.

But I look at MY GIRL. Every night I look at her photos. They scroll through my album like a mini-movie just for me. And THAT is MY GIRL. My heart feels her. My heart aches for her. Hurts for her when I heard she was sick. Cries tears for her to think she doesn't have her mommy to hold her feverish body. That is MY GIRL.

Is it because our names are attached? A couple files matched up? No, I don't think so.. I think it is because of the true miracle of adoption - and how God prepares your heart for just the right child. And those other babies, while amazingly cute - their puzzle pieces just wouldn't have fit mine. And that is amazing to me.

So while I hurt for all those 'stuck', who haven't seen their littles yet. And ache for that puzzle piece sized hole in your heart to be filled - I have to tell you - at the risk of making you throw up a little in the back of your throat: I was one of the WORST waiters. I was pessimistic. I was not encouraging. I was frankly, pretty pissed at the whole process. But God's timing is perfect.

Would I trade it, to have another child's picture taking residence in my purse, on my mantel, in my kitchen, on my computer, in my heart 6 months or a year ago? No. Because MY little wasn't born a year ago when I was praying, hoping, knowing that our referral would come any day. But God's timing is perfect.

I have no idea why we were THE group that had their i600 requests lost in a monstrous stack at USCIS for 3 months, putting us 3 months behind the crowd. Or why we were in THE group that got stuck in what will be known as the Great Ethiopian Adoption slowdown. But I know God's timing is perfect. And I know he was here all along - smiling at me, his pessimistic, frankly-a-little-pissed-off toddlerish daughter - holding my hand, and telling me he had it all under control.

It is 27 days til I hold MY GIRLS hand, and cry when I have to let her go. And hate having to wait to go back and get her. And not understanding why things are taking as long as they are. But, I will try.... I'll try... to remind myself then - that God's timing is perfect. And he'll still be holding my hand. I know it, because I am HIS GIRL.
(That's my girl holding a bracelet that I made SIX years ago. I had given it to my friend Jerry as we left Ethiopia from a week of visiting Compassion International projects. After being told that week that, "You are not here by accident. You are here for a reason. For you to have come to Ethiopia, at this time, this year, in 2009 - not last year, not the year after - is not an accident. God has his plan for you. Remember that."

Hmm, sound familiar?)

Court Date!!!

Ethiopian airlines was running a special - BOGO tickets through Jan 31st. It was a long shot that we would have a date by then, as most take around a month to get and our referral date was just January 9th.

Our friends were praying REALLY hard for us. Cause with 5 tickets to buy. BOGO would be sweeeeeetttt.

Jan 31st, at 1:00 pm, Tony gets a call - "I've got good news!!! You have a court date of March 8th!!!"

Jan 31st, at 1:02 pm, Tony calls me and I almost wet my pants. Which wouldn't have been very nice considering I was at a friend's house for the first time ever. But hey, at least they were hard wood floors. And she got to do the happy dance with me. Well, figuratively, cause this white girl can't dance.

Jan 31st, around 1:05 pm, I message the travel agent to tell her we have a concrete date, so we might wanna get in on that BOGO deal. Stat.

Jan 31st, around 2:00 pm, she messages me back to say for me to call her when I get home because we have to have it all finished by 4:30 EST. No kidding. And here is where my heart starts a beatin!!

Jan 31st, around 3:00 pm I get home and call her... and call our friend Mindy who was going to go with me on trip #2 but hey, it's buy one, get one -- so don't you want to make a 20 minute decision about a life-changing trip to Africa, move the date up by about months, extend the time gone from your family by 7 days, and by the way - did I tell you that you only have a couple minutes to decide???

Jan 31st, around 3:45 pm, I get on phone with travel agent and arrange dates. My dear friend Stephanie messages me to tell me she is 'praying all the details fall into place'. Oh girl - thank you, cause they did!! Erica said it was 'the easiest package she had done'.... 'the smoothest trip'..... 'dates worked out perfect'..... 'can NOT believe it worked out that easy for you'.... oh yeah!

Jan 31st, at 4:10 pm, forward email to our travel coordinator at the agency for preapproval... call her to tell her to approve it. like now. please. The receptionist says she is away from her desk "but did you say by 4:30? as in 20 minutes from now? yes? ok, I'll go get her out of that meeting"

Jan 31st, at 4:15 pm, get preapproval from agency

Jan 31st, at 4:20 pm, get BOGO tickets confirmed. With 10 whole minutes to spare!

So dear friends, we will be on a plane to meet/hold/smooch on that precious baby girl in about a month!! With 3 kids and a dear friend in tow at a discount. And here I thought this adoption was going to be stressful from beginning to end!

Thank you God for answered prayers!

First Care Package to be delivered to OUR GIRL!!!!!!!

I sadly sent our first care package to my friend Angi last Tuesday as she was leaving Friday.
Figured it would be coming back to me unopened after a week.
It barely got there on time Thursday.
It flew to Ethiopia and arrived Saturday.


And hopefully it will be delivered to baby girl Olivia Wages tonight as we sleep as we got our referral today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She is 8 months old. And I just keep telling people, she is just so healthy. We are so blessed as she has been very well taken care of. Her sweet little photos though, so, so sad. Can't wait to see her face light up in smiles! (however, I do NOT think she will be in any photos in that 3-6 month p.j. outfit)


So the call:
I was leaving a visit at 12:30 and as I went down their steps I heard the 'African Lullaby' song I had set. So I scramble to pull the phone out of my pocket ------- and hang up on her.

So I call Jennifer back, as I shake like a leaf, and she tries to get Tony on conference as "this is your referral call!!"

Tony doesn't answer (he was in court and couldn't)... so I go ahead and get the scoop! But don't even think to ask her name! Then drive 15 min to try to find him at the courthouse, run down a handicap ramp to jump in his arms and say "we have our girl!!!".

But then he has an appointment (arg)... so I go and pick up the kiddos..... and then we go home to wait for Daddy to get home to open up our email cause for Pete's sake, it's been going on 2 hours and I don't even know her name yet!!!

When Tony comes home we all sit on the sofa and open up our referral email and photos together... so, so, stinkin sweet.

And then we go into shock for about 10 minutes.... the mental picture I had of an itty bitty little Olivia is now a pretty big, almost toddler Olivia?!? BUT you know what, I am really happy about that!! As I said, she has been taken care of VERY well. And from her history, she was VERY loved. So we are VERY, VERY blessed to have a healthy little girl and can't wait to go and hug on her and get some more smiles!

So when do we go? Now (after we submit the acceptance paperwork), we wait for a court date. Recent families have traveled around 2 months after referral. So maybe late February??

Do we bring her home then? No. We will attend court and if we pass, she will officially be ours and we can post her photos all over the internet and Facebook (until then, as she isn't legally ours, we can't share her precious photos, sorry! But come see me and I just might have one on me, maybe, probably)

So we hopefully will be able to bring her home after passing court, then making it through embassy, and THEN we can go back and get her... maybe a Spring baby??

Whew, my head is pounding. I think it's from all the spinning it did today! And I know this post is almost as choppy and incomprehensible as my speech has been all day - my apologies!!!

And we are.....

After almost 15 months of watching our phone with longing.... and begging it to play the stupid little song set aside only for our adoption agency....

we are now going to be obsessively watching our phone everyday..... and begging, no pleading, no - crying, praying, for it to play the stupid little song set aside for our adoption agency....

it's enough to make one go crazy...

(too late, right??) I think I gladly put on the crazy crown and became the queen of crazy when:

#1 I married Tony
#2 I gave birth to three little Tonys
#3 I said yes to our fourth little wild one, who will finally NOT look like Tony.

So what does #1 mean??

besides me taking my phone into the bathroom and having it turned on full volume for the unforeseeable future?

It means that the next little girl that our agency has, which is under 12 months of age, who is completely well, and has every last piece of her paperwork tucked snuggly in her fat file -- will then be matched with our family as we are #1 in line. But we do covet your prayers as it has just been the rainy season in Ethiopia which often brings with it illness and infections for the little ones. And Olivia has to be completely well for us to receive her referral. And with so many new paperwork requirements, it is taking so much more time to get a child's paperwork ready to go as our agency often has to drive many hours to try to track down an abscure person or office to sign off on or provide needed information.

It also means that when that baby is all ready to go, we will get a phone call from our family coordinator. It could be a Monday, but most often is towards the end of the week on Thurs or Friday... often near the end of day (so as not to cause too much stress and anticipation, right?) She will call, I will cry, we will get Tony on three-way call (hopefully) and she will then describe our new daughter. We will then rush to get the 3 littles and run home, screaming all the way, to open our email with the photos that will be enlarged and pasted all over the house. And in the car. And in our wallets. And possibly enlarged as an 8 X 10 around my neck. Possibly.

It also means that she is 'matched' with us. But NOT ours yet. So we cannot show her photo on the blog or internet as legally, she is not ours at that time. We will then wait for 1-3 months until we can get a court date and then travel to Ethiopia to meet her and appear before a judge affirming our desire to adopt her. Only 50% of families pass on their court date. So we may find out that day that she is our daughter, or we may have to come home and wait the excruciating time necessary to complete more paperwork and finally pass court. And then, and only then, will Olivia be OUR daughter and we will be able to post photos and more information.

And then we wait some more time - possibly 2-3 more months, for the US Embassy in Ethiopia to review our case and either pass us on and issue us (me) an appointment for her visa interview and passport; or then request more information, and once again - have us wait....

So the wait's not over... not by a long shot... but at least we are finally seeing the beginning of the tunnel.

It's funny - a friend just told me that we are "blazing the trail for those who would dare doubt the soverignty and might of God..." However, I told him I think we are more, "blindly and clumsily hacking our way at the bush with a machete." We'll get there one day but it ain't gonna be pretty.

Someday soon friends, someday soon. We pray. But in the meantime, we can bask in the joy of being #1. And hope it is a very, very short stay at the top..

Mustard Seed Faith

So it's taken me a good week to write this blog... cause I knew I needed to. But I didn't want to. Cause it's embarassing. And I knew to tell you the good thing I learned, I would have to confess to you the bad things I said. And that's not easy. But God said 'write' so now I write. "I just want to stop. I don't want to do this anymore!" Not the words that any child, anywhere, should have their parents say about them. But words that poured out of my soul 2 weeks ago. Out of a soul that was hurting, that was grieving, that was giving up in a snotty, exhausted fit of tears. So don't judge me too fast. Don't tell me I'm not fit to be her parent. That I haven't fought hard enough - cause let me tell you friends, 2 years is a long time to have your boxing gloves on. How could I give up on my daughter when we are so close??? (All these comments by the way, went through MY mind). But you see, our baby Olivia, at that moment - didn't exist to me any more. She was a dream. A beautiful dream that God had given me two years ago that was not destined to come to fruition. So to me, it felt like she had blown away like a vapor. An image I had created in my own mind. I should have ran, without stopping, to my Heavenly Father. Clinging to my current life verse as if it were a small island in the midst of a storm. But I didn't. So much for this strong Christian example. Isaiah 41:13 "For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you 'Do not fear; I will help you." Or how 'bout my other current verse of the day - written down in my car and read almost daily?? Did I go there? Nope. Jeremiah 17:7-8 "Blessed is the (wo)man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. (S)he will be like a tree that is planted by the water who sends out its roots into the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought; but never fails to bear fruit." But finally, after a day of pouting, and crying, with fear AND worrying (good to know those verses sunk in my thick brain, huh?)... I prayed the next morning on the way to church for God to just talk to me that morning. Let me hear His voice. Let me know if I had heard him wrong 2 years ago. Let me know if we were making a big mistake. If it was time to turn the ship around. First a great sermon - but nope, no 'ah-ha' moments. And then after, during the invitation, the pastor goes off to a different tune sung just for me, something to the tune of: "The enemy does not want you to be happy. He is a liar. He wants you to be unhappy. He does not want you to fulfill the purpose God has for you..... stand strong... run from the darkness and into the light." And then, the next song - again, just for me: 

 The verses saying "YOU wont relent until you have it all.... my heart is yours...... come be the fire inside of me" So it hits me.... IF God isn't going to give up until His purpose is fulfilled.... and IF I claim to be His child, with Him taking residence in my heart..... and IF He is the fire inside of me..... than who am I to say 'I give up'? who am I to relent and throw my hands up because I am tired? am I not acting in the face of all I say is true? where is my fruit in the face of this drought? and since when did this become all about ME? So I come home, with the puzzled, slapped in the face kind of heart. And then my neighbor sends over a big bag of yellow banana peppers. (I AM going somewhere with this, I promise..) And I like to can them for a salad I make. So I get out my recipe box and start pulling out ingredients. 

And then laugh. Cause my Daddy knows I need to be thumped in the head every once in a while just to get His point across. It was just like He was saying to me, "Tracy, you see this???? This is ALL I'm asking from you. This much Faith. That's all I need from you. I've got the rest covered." Matthew 17: 14-21 "....Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

And then tonight, as I looked for images for this post, I came across this blog and quote: •A mustard-seed may in fact be small in size, but the miracle is in the relationship between the seed and the reality of the mustard tree. The seed produced phenomenal growth, point blank. Does your faith produce phenomenal spiritual growth in your own life? Does it produce phenomenal results for God’s Kingdom in the spread of the Gospel? That’s faith “as” a mustard seed. So yes - my tree did kind of run away from the water... and my fruit kind of stunk... but I needed that moment of desperation to figure out where I was planted was all wrong. As another song says, you have to be at the bottom before you start looking up. So that's why I wrote it all down. So you can laugh at me or shake your head in disgust. But at the end of the day, so you can see what mustard seed you may be holding that needs to be planted and watered - cause God only needs that much from us, a tiny seed of faith - but the fruit He will bear because we allow Him to work in us... that's where the real fire and beauty comes from.

We're just a small seed that has to be plucked in the head once in a while to figure out where our roots need to be firmly planted...

Pouty McPouty

What you behold in front of you was the object I hated most in middle school. Except mine were white. And I had big feet. And yet, my dad just knew that the beloved Chucks would turn this awkward, spastic pip-squeak into a mad dribblin ball player.

uh, no. I still stunk. Even with 2 large rubber planks strapped to my feet. Airball queen, I was. I mastered keeping that bench down and firmly rooted to the floor.

(Really funny thing is that when I traded the Chucks in for high heels and a pageant walk, I was entirely more successful. Not to brag, but you are reading the blog of one of THE Lexington BBQ Festival Queens. Just sayin')

But yet, little Braeden. My sweet son whose goal in life is now to be cool (i.e. look like the drummer from Guitar Hero). He begged for new Chucks. And I found them! Uh, sorta. At Goodwill, for $3.50. But also a half size too big. And hence the drama ensues....

Him. "I want to wear my cool shoes"
Dad. "Your cool shoes are too big"
Him. "No they're not."
Dad. "Oh, yes they are. Go change."
Him. (bringing shoes and putting them in kitchen) "Take them back, I don't want them."

The shoes he had a fit over. The shoes he drooled on when he saw. He didn't want them. Because he couldn't have them right now.

So he pouted all morning. Big lip waaaay out. Cried in his bed. "stupid shoes"

On the way to school I chastised him for his pouting. I reprimanded him for his ungratefulness. And then - get this - God smacked me on the behind as well as I heard the words come out of my mouth ---

"You really are so lucky. You wanted those shoes so badly and when Mommy saw them - I knew that you would love them and got them for you, because I love you. Even though I knew you would have to wait to wear them. It doesn't make sense that you would want to give such a gift back just because you have to wait. It doesn't make sense to pout like this. You will have them, just later."

And my big mouth continued - "It's just like with Olivia. God knows I will love her and is giving her to me. He just knows for some reason that I need to wait to have her. She doesn't 'fit' us yet. But it wouldn't make sense to want to give her back because of that......... it....doesn't.....make.....sense.....to....pout.....like.....this? We will get her, just later."

And here is where I take that size 3, big, black rubber sole and chew on it awhile. I'm sorry for pouting Daddy. (but can I have my gift soon??? please???)

Dirty Bottoms

A good friend of ours just got back from her recent trip to Ethiopia to meet her beautiful new son. While there, they visited the orphanage that he had been living in for at least 2 of his sweet 3 years. She told me it was the worst place she had ever been. Many of the infants had recently been dropped off and still had attached umbilical cord stumps. They all were so filthy with soaking/dirty diapers that the families visiting couldn't even pick them up they were so dirty. The bottles were propped for each baby and with no burping, the tiny infants would throw up all over themselves and would lay there, not being cleaned up. The orphanage told her that they get one new child A DAY. I am hoping our Olivia would no longer be one of those babies - but my heart still hurts for them. Olivia should already have been moved into our transition home and is being well fed, held, hugged, and cleaned. So to those that say that 'it's all about the money' - yes - we are paying alot of money to our agency in Ethiopia - but it is for the months that my child will be taken care of..... versus the alternative - her staying in an orphanage. When I told Tony about the orphanage he clammed up until he said, "When we go on our trip - I'm not going to any orphanages. I can't take seeing that." To which I said in a completely not-so-submissive fashion, "Oh we WILL go. We have to. We have to be Jesus to those children, to hold and love them if only for a brief time." Besides that, that is the very purpose of praying and begging God to provide for the kids to go - so that they can visit and play with the older kids in the orphanages and have a love for missions and orphans birthed in them. Or will it be further birthed in us. Time will tell. And then I got to thinking ----- how much are we just like those precious babies? Covered in our own stench and filth?? Every little white lie, every lustful glance, every gossiped word -- just more and more throw up we are covering ourselves with. And yet ---- Christ still came to us. When he was a Prince - he left Perfection to come to where we live. To pick us up, getting himself covered in our stinking sin. And then to clean us up, make us new - and adopt us as his own. To take us home with him so that yes, when we mess ourselves again, and we will - or throw up sin all down our shirt - Jesus will wipe us clean once more. Cause that's what loving fathers do. I thank God I am adopted, and I thank God for the picture he has made so clear for us in this process to adopt one of his little ones. The difference is that Christ comes to us and adopts us - all we had to do was call out to him and ask to be his child. These children don't have the option of asking to have a father. That's where the church needs to step up and follow the command of Christ to look after them. And that's where the church is falling down on the job. Although it is encouraging to see some churches in America now waking up to the orphan crisis. ------------------------------------------------------- Months back we had reports from one of our visiting families about the conditions of the babies in one of the orphanages they visited. Babies sleeping on wooden planks in cribs, wet and cold. No diapers. Extreme diaper rash. A sweet friend of mine started collecting cloth diapers and forming crews to make waterproof diaper covers to send. She then formed teams to take them over to the orphanages in Ethiopia, and now also, Uganda. Did I happen to also mention that this young mom shares the same DTE date as us for a baby girl, has a little boy already, AND had just been diagnosed with a brain tumor??? I don't want to hear anyone else say they don't have the time or the resources, or even the emotional capacity to adopt or help orphans - and that goes for myself as well!!! We formed our own sewing team with 3 ladies showing up at church with me one Saturday morning to cut, pin, and sew more sweet diaper covers. Thank you ladies!!! (especially kind Debra who took fragments home to finish for me!)

Going running, or not

Just looking back, realizing how sporadic my posts have become. Pretty much dwindled to every month on our DTE-varsarry. Which I'm sure is just highly entertaining and a sure way to keep others reading. (Go ahead, admit it, you're waiting each month with baited breath just to see what brand of ice cream we choose.)

Truth is - when we signed on for adoption. And said "yes Lord, we will go" - we kind of were expecting an 18 month commitment followed by an 18 year bigger commitment.

And now we are at TWENTY months, and still are only rounding the corner with a faaaaaaaar, far away view of the finish line. And let me tell ya, I am not one for distance running. Give me a sprint any day and I'll push through. But running?? I walked my way through cross country season in high school. Seriously. Embarrassing I know.

So instead of rejoicing at our #4 status, or smiling as I view her changing table, which has set waiting for her in my room for 6 months now. Or the crib which is still up in Addi's room --- I have been falling on my face and crying in my own little pity party. Again, embarrassing I know.

I want to be ecstatic when others are going on court trips to see their babies for the first time, I want to be jumping up and down when they go for embassy to pick up their children. But my sinful self is sitting in a corner pouting - saying "it's not fair." (Honestly --- I scroll over their blogs to see the date they signed their application letter to start their adoption, and pout even more when their dates are much later than mine.) I want to grieve with them when they are missing their children so badly - a hurt that I can not even image - having to leave your little, fragile new baby for months on end and not knowing when you can return, all at the mercy of a foreign court system. But I also want to yell and scream that I haven't even SEEN my baby yet. And she is no less mine and I am no less in pain of knowing we are still separated. 24 months after I became her mother in heart.

Embarrassing, I know. What a strong, stable Christian I am? I despise myself sometimes.

But ya know, I still know that none of this surprised God at all. None of this was not His plan. And for us to be still, wandering around in the Israelite desert, it must be because I still need to be taught something. Something like patience maybe?? Something which obviously I have yet to learn?? So I wander still.

God chooses the weakest to display his glory. That theme is all through the scriptures. And oh boy, can I be weak.

Am I posting this to make you feel sorry for me? NO.

I am posting it to let you see that I/we are not super Christians. We are not rocks of faith or of strength. But HE is. And every week, I have seen orphans placed in families. And that is nothing short of miraculous. And beautiful.

It doesn't take a super Christian to join the race. Or even a strong Christian. It doesn't take a wise and seasoned parent to mother a child who needs you. It just takes you. And even though the race is hard. And long. And tiring. And draining. Somehow, we haven't collapsed yet. And even though that finish line is waaaaaaay out there and I may want to stop and just run for a cheeseburger instead - my heavenly Daddy is running beside me, edging me on, letting me know that HE believes in me and knows I can do it. And we will..... and the reward will be so much more than we can imagine.

You too scared of running?

In the Zone

Funny how when I told my mom we were having ice cream tonight she knew what day it must be -

7 Month DTE-versary!!!!!

And we are #6 in line for baby girl!! What is even more exciting is that our agency's estimation on time from DTE date to referral date is currently 7-11 months. So we are officially 'in the zone'!! Meaning that it could be anywhere from 1 week (but most likely not) to 4 months until we see her little face for the very first time. In the adoption world - rumors, speculations, etc abound and my new favorite is that a traveling family noted that there were 30 babies between the two baby rooms in our transition home. 30 babies under the ages of 12 months (we are requesting a baby 0-12 months). And of those, my friends are estimating that 20 are on our list now as in the process waiting for their mommies and daddies to come and bring them home. So 10 left, maybe. And guess what number we are overall in the line for 0-12 mos babies????? #10. Sweeet. Kinda like this:

Red Velvet Cake Ice Cream

This month, I chose a flavor for my honey. Since, truth be told, the following months have pretty much been to my flavor favs. And he loves Red Velvet cake..... but told me that he would have rather had ice cream with chocolate. Now ya tell me! This one was Red Velvet cake batter ice cream with pieces of red cake, and a cream cheese icing swirl. Ugh. The big boy hated it. The middle boy loved it. And the girl, she ate it all. The bigger boy said it was 'pretty good' and I, well, I just wasted a many a calorie on it and am glad that it wont be teasing me from the freezer tomorrow. Next month (if there has to be one), back to something with chocolate!!

Ethiopia Update

For those of you who have been praying for our adoption and our Prayer 911 -- a little update:

• We have heard from our agency and other agencies that the director of MOWA has been replaced.
• That there have been many staff changes and even a new name.
• That the Ethiopian govt. has been very supportive and pro-adoption.
• That the new staff is being diligent about going back to write the letters needed for those cases that have been back-logged with multiple court appearances (800 in the pipeline).
• That so far all changes appear to be positive and in the best interests of the children.
  

What we are hoping is that with things finally moving forward, and hopefully moving smoother - the process will begin to pick up and actually begin to 'work' with parents passing court vs. having to struggle through the emotional roller-coaster of multiple court dates and failures, usually due to MOWA not having written that recommendation letter on those court dates.

What we don't know is how the changes may affect cases going forward. MOWA gives no indication of reinstating the 5 per day letter policy (GREAT news!). But as new regulations are being put in place, we are not sure how much time will be added to, (or taken away) from current times from referral of our baby to the day we have to travel to court. Before this recent episode, the time from seeing her picture to going to meet her and appear in court was from 8-12 weeks.

Friends, please continue to pray for our little girl. The news so far has been positive, and we are hoping that the referral train will start moving again. But right now, things have just seemed to drag since last November - I really seriously thought we would have a referral by February. And according to last year's time-lines, I believe we would have. Now I am hoping for late April at the earliest. I know God has it all in His hands and Olivia will be ready for us when we are ready for her. But it still is enough to cast gray clouds on many days as the process is taking us so long. August will be 2 years of waiting ...

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In other news - Tony has left the unreliable field of sales in a crappy economy. He has been blessed to be given a new position as a school resource officer under our new Sheriff and will be going to the academy the first of April. He is excited beyond words and we (especially the boys) are very proud of him. I think that with his background and life experiences - he will be a wonderful role model and encouragement to the elementary school kids he is in contact with every day. It will also be nice to have some stability in the insurance and job department! And also nice to know that he will be in an elementary school vs. out on patrol for the most part.

But I have told him that if our referral comes in while he is in the academy and not able to accept phone calls - he had better believe I am taking that phone call with or without him!!! I told him I might wait until he gets home to open the email and see her photos.. maybe.

Prayer 911

For those prayer warriors of you, for those who like to send up mini post-it note prayers throughout your day, and even for those of you that really haven't prayed much before ---

we are asking for your help. Seriously, and urgently.

This past week the ET (Ethiopia) adoption community started flipping out as it was leaking out that MOWA (think- 'Ethiopian DSS') has decided that due to staffing problems, they were cutting down from 50 adoption permission letters a day, to FIVE a day. Add to that an extremely biased news article (with misleading facts and errors) that sent us all into a tail spin quoting wait times for adoption to increase by a year, and for ET adoptions to to the US to decrease from 2,500 to 500 a year.

An explanation: when we, and other families go to court, a letter from MOWA is required to be there waiting for you, on that day, recommending your adoption. If it isn't, your wait for that letter and court passing could be anywhere from weeks to months waiting on it to show up on the perfect day.

So now for those parents waiting to pass court and legally be declared parents to a child they have already met and fallen in love with, the wait could be much, much longer. We could possibly receive a referral for a perfect 4 month old baby girl, go to ET to meet her - and then watch her grow up in an institution with only updates and photos every month. I know the nannies who care for my child love her very much - but they still aren't her mother and every month apart is a month of a family's love that my child has been cheated.

BUT - our agency emailed the following statement on Friday which seemed to indicate that this situation still could be rectified and will be discussed in the coming days:

We are writing to ask your family to join us in prayer for the Ministry of Women and Children's Affairs (MOWA) regarding the number of cases they will be able to process each day. They have made statements that they desire to decrease the number of recommendation letters they write each day. We understand that because of these statements, the Court and MOWA are in the process of meeting to discuss and work out any potential changes or new processes regarding adoptions in Ethiopia. We want to blanket these meetings with prayer and ask you to come along side us in this....

If you could (well, even if you don't want to - do it anyway!!!), could you take a moment now, or in the days to come to pray for these negotiations and the thousands of children who are patiently waiting for their parents to come and bring them home. MOWAs job is to make sure all ET adoptions are ethical - and it has been shown that still corruption exists within shady agencies. (Ours is one of the top in ethics and practice). And I am in complete agreement that safe guards and procedures should be put into place to make sure all adoptions are on the up and up and the children are true orphans. But the statistics are staggering - and 5 children a day who are given a new life is not acceptable:

Almost half of the population of Ethiopia are under the age of 14.
Of those 40 million children, 6 million are orphans.
1 out of 10 children in Ethiopia don't make it to their 1st birthday.
1 out of 6 children die before their 5th birthday.

--------feel free to stop reading - the following is just a typical Wages in the Making rant ----

So when I received all the above news late Friday evening - I went from denial, to anger, to peace.

Yes, the rug could be completely pulled out from underneath us and the entire process (going on 2 years already in the making) could be lengthened considerably. Think Guatemala or Haiti where parents being their 'babies' home at the age of 3 or 4. But I have to believe that God would not bring us this far, have shown us His power so much, to leave us in shambles now. It's too soon to give up, something will just have to be worked out and a compromise reached.

Then came the anger. "How DARE he??" How dare the enemy, because believe in it or not, we in adoptions have felt his attacks - how dare he use just one more method of stealing not only the joy from all parents in the process (we found out yesterday we are now #6 in line!), but how dare he continue to try to thwart God's promise of setting the lonely in families? Of bringing my 'daughter from the East' (Isaiah 43:5-6) as He promised me?

We have had friends taken from us, church support taken from us, jobs taken from us, paperwork delays that were so long they were laughable --- and now he is trying to keep my daughter from me even longer??? So many attempts to get us to give up. And not just us but other adopting parents have gone through the same trials, some even worse.

And I am ashamed to say that for a second, for about half a second - the doubts hit me again. What if this goes through and our wait is extended another 1, maybe 2, years? Would we give up? My youngest would be 7 when we bring a baby home! Would we stop and loose everything we have worked so hard for?

But then I remembered Ephesians and the call to 'put on the full armor of God so that you may be able to withstand the attacks of the devil' (Ephesians 6:10-20)... taking the shield of FAITH with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one."

As I have told struggling friends before, and continually tell myself - God doesn't call you to be a soldier for him without knowing you can withstand and win the battle. Because He doesn't loose. He will equip you and strengthen you if you are fighting for His cause. And the plight of the orphan is in the Bible over and over. His heart is for the care and release of the fatherless.

Satan knows that through our adoption, and countless others, we, as Christians, are given the chance to explain the gospel to others. Those who question "why are you doing this? how can you trust God so much for the money/strength/etc.? how are you not falling apart right now?"

Christ came to Earth to find me - his child. He then lay down his life for me just as I, as a mother would lay down my life for my children. He died for me AND you. And then he adopted us, and will bring us home. What a beautiful parallel to every adoption?

So if putting on the armor is required - I'm in. Will you fight with me?

Weight Watchers be gone!

Another month, another ice cream... Since it's o.k. for pregnant women to eat ice cream, and since usually pregnant women aren't doing Weight Watchers, it's o.k. for paper pregnant mommies to forget about that diet for one day too. It's only reasonable and fair. Sunday was our DTEversary celebration and we were officially.....

6 Months DTE!!

And we have moved from #9, to #7 for approximately one day, and back to #8!! (It's complicated, don't ask..) So on our agencies yahoo group, we are unofficially #8 in line for a baby girl! A long way from the #27 we started with 6 months ago! Our agency still estimates time from DTE to referral of a baby girl to be 7-11 months. 1 more month til crunch time! Hopefully. And to celebrate, the flavor of the month was:

Half Baked

Oh goodness, goodness. I know I said we had our favorite a few months back but this one ROCKED! Chocolate and vanilla swirled ice cream, bits of squishy fudge brownies, AND globs of choc. chip cookie dough. Heaven I tell ya!!! And if I hadn't just brushed my teeth, I would so be breaking into those few spoonfuls that only mommy knows still reside in the container. In the freezer. Waaaaaay in the back. Just sayin'.

5 Months DTE!

One more month down! And finally, thank the Lord finally, there has been more movement in regards to referrals with our agency. So now we are officially in the top 10 for a baby girl!! BUT, we have 20 above us waiting so that means that with every 3-4 referrals, we may only move 1 or 2 up our list, but hey, I'll take that! We celebrate each DTE-versary as our agencies official estimate is the receival of a referral at 7-11 months post DTE for an infant girl. So we're getting closer!!

At this pace, we are still hoping (fingers crossed) that we might be able to see her sweet face in March, travel for court maybe in late April, and go get her early June?? Maybe. We get so many ask - "so do you know who she is yet?" Nope. Not until we get that call that tells us all about our referral angel child.

So without further ado, the pic you have been waiting on.....

5 MONTHS SINCE DOSSIER TO ETHIOPIA (DTE)!!!!!

And I also know you have been waiting all month just to find out the flavor of the month. This month we celebrated with the fan favorite :

Cherry GarciaChosen for its accompanying option of "FroYo" for mommy and daddy who are Weight Watching. Except for that night. Cause geez, it was our DTE-versary!!!! And for inquiring minds, yes the frozen yogurt version was still pretty good. Although not much lower in points. So we might as well have just gone full octane.

And just for fun, some pics of the kiddos, fast forward about 15 years to their future careers:

Doctor of Veterinary Medicine

And Professional Baseball Player extraordinaire

And...... spunky Brewster. Or Miley Cyrus. Or Madonna. Heaven help us.

Why are we adopting from Ethiopia??

A new AWAA friend posted the following video that she and her husband made regarding Ethiopian adoption. You can read her blog here. It is beautiful and does an excellent job of explaining why those of us who love Ethiopia are drawn there vs. other countries. Enjoy!!

#11 for 2011

Finally, we are movin' on up again. Albeit verrrrry slowly. The last few weeks had a couple referrals and a couple is sure better than none. So now we have 10 people waiting ahead of us for baby girls. Overall, we have 25 people ahead of us total. The good news is that people have started passing court and going to embassy appointments to bring their children home. The bad news is that the agency that 'recommends' parents to the court feels like they are bogged down and have caused the court to not schedule any dates in February. So courts closed all of Aug/Sept which caused a back-up. And courts closed again in February to alleviate a back-up. Oh well.... I'm just excited knowing that with the calendar moving to 2011, that this WILL be the year we bring home our 4th child. Better be anyway!!! On to sweeter things, this month I took the mommy liberty of choosing our flavor of the month:

Cinnamon Buns

And I must say, I think this is our favorite. Yummm. Caramel ice cream with cinnamon bun dough & cinnamon streusel swirl. Yum X 5 with everyone liking it. Which is a very hard thing to accomplish! Addison exclaimed it was the best ever.

A child-like faith

So the other day I got schooled by my son. And it really makes me proud that he called me out.

But first things first - I need to announce that if you haven't noticed the side thermometer - we MET our goal of $5630 for our referral fee!! In little increments of $10-$30 from Olivia's store!! And a few sweet donations to boot.

A referral fee is the last amount of money you pay to 'seal the deal' when you get your baby's photo and history - THE CALL. The money helps pay court costs, medical costs, and everyday orphanage care for our child.

Anyway, you get THE CALL and then have to return your acceptance papers and $5630 in just a few days. So to have this money in the bank thrills me.

So when the boys found out that a holiday market at their school had pushed us to $5628 they were so excited and wanted to know - "NOW can we go get her!". Well no, not now. We still have to wait til we're number one and then we'll be able to give them the money to accept her. (which by the way, we are now #12, I think)

To which Seth asked, "so then how much more money do we need?"

Me: "Well, we need a minimum of about $10,000. And that's just for me and your daddy to go on the first trip and me on the second."

Him: (in a huff) "so you're just hoping that you'll get enough money for you and dad to go!!"

Me: "It's not really hoping Seth. I have faith that God will provide enough for us to go."

Him: (now mad) "so you don't have enough faith that God will give us enough money for us all to go see her! You should have enough faith that he can give enough for us all to go!!!"


To which I had to give it to him - yes - I would love for my kids to be able to go with us to meet their sister, play with the children at the orphanages, see poverty first-hand, and hopefully birth in them a desire and love for God's children who are so often forgotten. I would love for them to go on this trip so that they will never forget.

But no - I guess I don't have the faith that God would provide for those tickets too. Cause that's a lot of money. And He's already done so much for us. How much more can I ask Him for??

However, as I told Tony - what lesson will I be teaching Seth if I push him to dream small? Isn't this entire adoption a huge dream to begin with? And what if he really does have God telling his little heart that he will go on this trip? And I tell him he needs to just ignore that?

So the question is now - do we take that big leap of faith and tell him "come on buddy, let's go get that passport..." or do we sit back and wait to see if God moves on that front too?

Being an adult stinks. I wish I had the child-like version of this faith journey all the time..