My heart is beating like a madman just writing this. Not sure why, this is just a computer, with a keyboard attached. It's not like I'm talking to the Queen of England.
But here's the deal - we are sending the application for the adoption agency off this week. We are also sending off the application and fee to apply for a home study to begin. So this is for real. What is also for real is that more money owed will be right around the corner once this train leaves the station. And a home study is only good for one year. So starting it and waiting for 6 months is not an option.
And I go back and forth - faith = "believing in that which you cannot see". Well, I can see my house is not on the market yet (although soon). And I can see that my bank account will be good and low after the above fees. I also have a wonderful blogger friend in the same position we are with adopting and she is also struggling with when to begin, what to do, what to trust in. I want to be faithful but I also know you have to have wisdom. And I'm needin some wisdom.
So I need some advice and feedback - PLEASE. (that being said in a completely whiny and irritating voice). After prayer, I just know I am suppose to step out in faith. But is selling the house and forfeiting all our equity enough? Is having an apple juice jar to collect all our coins enough? Is putting mounds in my garage to yard sell enough? Or do I ask others?
Guilt tells me that wouldn't be fair. I just asked for support last year. And God provided mightily. Embarrassment also says we should just try on our own, it isn't anyone else's burden. But am I keeping God's blessings from others by not asking them to help bring our little girl home? And would it be a burden or a blessing? I just found out recently I had offended someone with my last support letter asking for money, and I felt horrible. I know that many families send out support letters for adoption, but usually they haven't just asked for support one year prior.
Just looking for input, feel perfectly free to comment anonymously. I can take it. But I really need some back up on what to do. Just keep praying for the house to sell or elicit help??