Monday, February 1, 2010

All my heart

Today while picking up the boys from their after-school care, I was talking with their teacher when Braeden came out of left field with one of his Braeden-isms. The boy cracks us up. He says and does the funniest things out of the blue which will bring a smile to my face for days after. Stacy looks at me and says "I love me some Braeden". Me too.

I told her that recently I was thinking of my children and realized - when you expand your family beyond one child, you really wonder - will I play favorites? will I be able to love another child as much as my first? will I cling to my son as much as a daughter?

Then you have them and realize - LOVE is enough, LOVE is limitless. With each kid, love is so different, and still just as strong.

With Braeden - I love his dimples. His yells of "spiiiiider monkey" as he leaps onto Tony (or any nearby adult). His fearlessness, and the laughter when he falls off his bike or skins his knees while trying to skate like a maniac. His love of spinach and mushrooms (he IS my son!). His way of making friends with anyone, any age, anywhere. His out-of-nowhere laugh that will have a whole restaurant giggling.

His sense of humor -
* at afterschool, Stacy reported he was busy doing his homework and all of a sudden poked his head up to excitedly yell, "'ve just won ONE Miiiiiiiiiillllllion Dollars!!!"
* while eating spinach lasagna, he popped a big wad of spinach in his mouth and then, in true Popeye form, popped up one muscle, then another, then posed as a Greek God and exclaimed "Fiyaaa Powwa!!!" ('Fire Power' - you'll have to see Night of the Museum II for that one to make sense..)
* he wisely tries to bargain with my dad for really expensive gifts - like 4 wheelers or iPod touch. When he is told no, that's too expensive, he will downgrade - "well, then I'll just take a dirt bike instead..."

As Tony calls him, he is our little buddy. Who somehow, at the age of almost 7, still can figure out how to make us smile if he senses you are in a bad mood. Braeden has my heart - he likes the foods I like, the things I like to do. He has my heart. All of it.

With Seth - he is my complicated son. He is hard to figure out. His quiet demeanor and self-sufficiency often mask his many gifts. His seriousness while on the ballfield and love of sports makes me beam with pride as he explains players or games to me. I love that he will go out of his way to show an interest in whatever I am working on, and offer to help "What-cha doooin?" When I paint, he'll be the first one to tell me what a good job I have done. I love how Seth performs little acts of kindness all the time, to his siblings or strangers, but all without a show. You have to catch him at it or the moment will pass right by you in his kindness. I love how he still dotes on Addison. Quietly trying to help her and appease her when she is upset. I love how he so often will quickly realize when he has hurt Braeden's feelings, and will go to him to make it up by asking him to come play or including him in a game. I love how he doesn't shun his little brother when the big boys are over but includes him as just part of the gang. Seth has my heart - he reminds me so much of myself as a child with his timidness and shyness. He has my heart. All of it.

With Addison - she is my daughter, need I say more? A daughter I have dreamed about since I was a little girl playing with my dolls. I love how she asks to be rocked just so she can cuddle. And loves to put those little palms on my cheeks and kiss me on the lips. I love how she runs to Tony when he comes through the door, jumping in his arms and yelling "Daddy!!!" I love how she loves for me to braid her hair, put her jewelry on, and paint her fingernails. I love how she sits in her room for hours, chatting away with her 'dollies', content to play by herself vs. pester her brothers with whining. I even love her assertiveness which borders on bossiness. Such a strong will. And I love the way she says "Strawberry Cort-cake" and "mogurt". Addison has my heart - she reminds me so much of my childhood and the joy of being a mom. She has my heart. All of it.

With Olivia - I love her already. Thinking of her can bring tears to my eyes in the same way the last several paragraphs did. I can see her little fingers wrapped around mine. I can feel her soft little body cuddled next to me as we rock. I love the thought of big, round eyes looking up at me, finally realizing I am her forever mommy. Even though my body did not bear her, I know she will have my heart. Knowing that although I didn't endure hours of physical labor, the labor to bring her home is no less tiring. Knowing that even without my eye color, or my skin tone, or maybe even my love of mushrooms - she will be all mine, and that she too will have my heart. All of it.


The Beaver Bunch said...

Started reading this post, got teary eyed.

So I quit.

But, I'll be back, don't you worry.

The Beaver Bunch said...

Okay, I'm significantly less emotional now than I was last night.

What a sweet post of a Mother's love for her children. All of them. Even the ones she hasn't met yet.

SiLa said...

I know what you mean with love for Olivia already, oh...