Tuesday, July 5, 2011

The day the excitement died

So you know what?? We are still waiting on our referral! Shocking, I know.

BUT, as of last Monday, we were officially

10 Months DTE

Or dossier to Ethiopia. Or ten months from when we celebrated as we dropped that huge package that contained our entire life story, and then some, into that glorious FedEx box.

Ten months ago. Gee. And the official time from DTE to referral for a baby girl is/was 7-11 months.

Instead of being a little late, I'm, oh, 8 days late in this post as it took almost that long for my kids to finally color their monthly numbers for the photo. They were thrilled.... or not. I think they are a little over our monthly pics. As you can tell. And no - I didn't pose them this time... and the handmade hearts were also completely their idea.

And as you can see from the close-up --- I'm thinking that it is starting to sink in that this is taking longer than we had hoped. Across the bottom "We haven't changed in like 6 months"

Also indicative of their waning patience would be their total rejection of my ice cream of the month! Gasp!!

They wanted no part of it. Didn't even ask the flavor. Just went for the popsicles instead. A true tragedy.

Just in case you are again waiting on baited breath, the flavor of the month was :

Late Night Snack
Vanilla ice cream with a caramel swirl and fudge covered potato chip clusters. hmmm. Can you tell we were running low on the pickins after 10 months of variety???

Let's just say that
1) I am very surprised that potato chips CAN stay crunchy in the middle of ice cream and
2) My usual pattern of buying 2 pints for the family has indeed backfired as with the rest of the family on an ice cream hiatus --- I will from hence forth be lugging around Ben & Jerry on my thighs. And I didn't even like them this month that much anyway...


All joking aside - I know there HAS to be a reason. A reason why our expected February referral still hasn't materialized. A reason why our homestudy is expiring. A reason why we are now caught in court closures. I know God HAS a plan. And it is better than mine. But I also know that no matter how much I try to explain to my kids delays, or waiting times, or closures - they still don't get it. They just want their sister home. And month by month, I've watched their excitement about her turn to frustration. And their hope in God's miracles in bringing her home diminish, bit by bit. And I don't get that. I guess we aren't doing a very good job of 'pumping them up' or being good role models of patience. But it's hard folks. Truly. The miracles may come, and I know we will look back with complete peace about the wisdom of our wait - but it's just hard to see that now. Through the eyes of children or an adult.

I've heard countless, well-meaning friends say: "Well, you know God's timing is perfect.."

And I know that. And agree that His way is perfect, and is best. Even if I don't like it.

But again, even IF we get our referral now, we ARE officially stuck in closures so we wont be able to go to court, at the earliest, until mid/late October.

So you tell me ANY mother, who would be o.k. with loving a child she hasn't seen for 9 (or 10 months) giving birth to her baby, seeing her beautiful face and then when the hospital staff says "o.k., now we are going to keep her with us, take good care of her, and send you monthly pictures for the next 4-6 months". No mother would be able to say - "Great!!! Cause God's plan is perfect!! Sign me up for THAT!" It may the best thing in both their interests for right then - but it is not something that her, or me, would be able to smile about and say they are excited about.


The Beaver Bunch said...

I try super hard to imagine your disappointment. I know you are aching to have your little girl home, so desperately.

Praying God's desires are for Olivia to come home as soon as courts reopen.

JG said...

:( I'm sorry. I'd be weary, too. Though I don't think I'd turn down ice cream.... :) I've been curious about that flavor, myself. But anyway, I'm praying you hear news soon.

Christina Anderson said...

Prayerful as we journey together with you guys in this journey!!! Hoping to see referrals for little girls very soon!!!!!!

Kimberly said...

Tracy--still wearing my bangle and praying for you. I check your blog from time to time and can't wait for the time that I log on and see your post about your new daughter! In the meantime, praying for you in the waiting time. I know it can be difficult to be so close and yet so far away. Praying for your daughter, too, that God would protect her and be preparing her for your family.