Wish I could tell you

I'm Speechless....Yeah, I know - not me. Just in case you haven't guessed, I am a blog freak. I spend most mornings browsing anybody and everybody's blogs. I think one of the reasons is because it is kind of like a pretend world. You get to peek into others lives and experience their experiences without the pain or the emotions involved. (Usually) Since my trip, I am often clicking around on blogs about missions, about Africa, about Ethiopia. Once I see an interesting title on someone else's reader list - I jog on over.

Well this morning, that lack-of-emotion thing? Yeah, it flew out the window. I clicked from somewhere and wound up at this amazing post which hit me in the face:
Blessings from Ethiopia - I Wish I could tell you

From her post:
Loving the fatherless. Loving the abandoned. Loving the seemingly hopeless. The narrow road requires sacrifice.The narrow road. It's lonely. It's long. It's difficult. It's full of suffering and struggle and sacrifice. But isn't that what following our Jesus is all about? If you're following a Jesus that doesn't demand sacrifice of all earthly endeavors, than I don't know what Jesus you're following. Didn't Jesus, after all, sacrifice all earthly endeavors for us? What did He sacrifice so that He could love YOU? How much more, then, should we sacrifice in order to love Him? And if loving HIM means loving the unlovely and the unloved, then what does it mean if we live in comfort while the unloved go on unloved? While the orphaned stay orphaned? While the street kids still roam the streets?

Ouch. Guilt. And I'm not really sure that the writer meant to inspire guilt. She meant to inspire action. Which is what I am guilty of with most every post I write.

Let me side-step by showing you a picture I took last week:

This is exactly one week after a mani/pedi I received as a birthday gift from Tony. It was really, really sweet, and very appreciated. The massage was like HEAVEN. But in that 2 1/2 hours I spent at the spa, and got to feel like a queen, about $150 had flown out of our checking account. And one week later? The crick in my back had returned and my fingers were in the sorry state you see above.

And we do this EVERY DAY. The flowers we buy and forget to water, that are dead in a month. The video game for the kids, that is scratched and thrown away in 3 months. The mega-sized package of pork chops that gets thrown into the freezer, pulled out in a year with frost-bite. The huge dinner we make, but then end up throwing away left-overs as everyone gets sick of it.

Do I think God judges us for wasting money? I don't know. But I do know, to put myself in the place of a parent : when I give my children allowance money, or birthday money - how do I feel when they buy $5 worth of candy and eat it all by themselves the first day? Or buy silly Pokemon cards which are left out in the rain? Ticks me off. Stupid purchases! Why not spend your money on something that will last? Or a game where you can share the enjoyment? At least something you could learn from!

So what does our Heavenly Father say or think when he sees us spend the money he gave us on painting our fingernails red, only to have them chipped and broken in a week? (Stupid purchases. Why not spend your money on something that will last and can be enjoyed by others? At least something you could learn from!)

While on my trip, someone mentioned feeling guilty for all that we have. The country coordinator - a man managing 8,000 Compassion children but who had once grown up as a poor shepherd - told us: "Do not feel guilty. God blessed you so that you could bless others. You are doing what he wanted you to do. If you had little, you would not be able to give."

So I wish I could tell you that we are selling everything and going into missions - but I can't.
I wish I could tell you that I'll stop buying shoes I don't need or another pair of shorts - but I can't.
I wish I could tell you that I have all the answers and have God's will figured out - but I can't.

All I can tell you this morning is that I'm speechless. So now where do you go from here?

Give me your eyes

So those of you that know us know that T is an awesome singer. And if you have sat anywhere near me in church, you know that I only have one note and it is greatly warped. I have even stopped singing "Happy Birthday" as an additional present. Now our little threesome, they love to sing. Especially Braeden and Addison. Braeden can be heard singing in his room while playing or driving down the road. Addison is just starting to sing along with the songs on the radio, a task which involves a lot of humming interspersed with a couple actual words. So I wanted to share a new song that has come out from the artist Brandon Heath called "Give me your eyes" as all four of my loved ones are singing this one around the house lately.

The chorus of the song says:
Give me your eyes for just one second.. Give me your eyes so I can see.. Everything that I keep missing... Give me your love for humanity... Give me your arms for the broken hearted... The ones that are far beyond my reach... Give me you heart for the ones forgotten... Give me your eyes so I can see

How often is it that we sing along to the radio and have no idea what the words are that we are saying? And in this case, while singing along, do we even realize what we are asking of God? "Give me your eyes so I can see"..... that's a pretty scary request if you stop to think about it. Do you really want to see and love humanity as God does? I think that if he granted that wish at even 1% fulfillment, it would still be enough to put me in a straight-jacket. To look at the suffering of the world through God's eyes would be a painful process. To see the persecution of His children in China, the killing of His babies in America, the starvation of His children in Africa, the prostitution of His little ones in Thailand. Do you really want to feel God's love in that way?

A couple months back Braeden fell face down from a play set - hard. As T picked him up, he went limp and stopped breathing for about 30 seconds. In that time, we both felt an over-whelming sense of panic and pain at the prospect of loosing him. Now think of your own children. Do you think that those across the globe feel any less love for their little ones? We don't want to see through God's eyes because it is too easy to hide in our little world on our own. Now I didn't start out this blog as a guilt inducer because I am as guilty as the next in meeting my own needs and wants before I start to think about others. What I wanted to do, and may be failing at doing, is to ask you to step up. Christians or not, there are those around you who need your help.
You could volunteer to get groceries for an elderly neighbor.
You could help to tutor a child at the elementary school.
You could help coach a little league team or volunteer at church (a dying art).
You could save the life of a child with Compassion.
You could contribute to help persecuted Christians through Voice of the Martyrs.
You could help to feed those who are hungry.
Just don't sit back and close your eyes.....

I ask that God would "give me the heart to help those that are forgotten". And hopefully, one day, I'll be ready to ask to see more clearly.

Is it fruit season?

So I am halfway there! With my support letters 2 weeks out, I am now half way to my full support needed by Nov. 24th! That includes an awesome yard sale we were able to do on a main highway last weekend where we racked up $423. Only about $200 more than any other yard sale I have ever done. Take into account that it rained on all the merchandise first thing and was threatening more rain all day and I say that it went pretty well!

So as far as the trip goes, I am really started to get into the planning mode. Now I am on to thinking about dreaded shots (I passed out during my shots for college, what a weanie), domestic flight up to D.C., and what to take for myself and for Amanuel. That has been the most fun! I waited patiently for backpacks to finally go on after school clearance and am now seeing how many goodies I can pack into all the multiple pockets. We have had a good time finding jewels on clearance such as flip flops, hand towels for his mom, new CARS undies, mini photo albums, colored pencils, etc. My biggest challenge is now going to be learning some Amharic words. I am absolutely awful at second languages (who would have thought it for a speech/language therapist). Thankfully, many of those in Ethiopia speak English because saying /ameseghinallehu/ for "thank you" is beyond my mental capabilities!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you who have helped with financing my trip! Things started moving along at such a rapid pace when I finally just gave everything over to God. When I decided that if He wanted me to go, He would help make it happen. It just seems like now that it is happening, it is kind of surreal. (I hate that new hip word "surreal", but it just fit). I have had so much of a positive reaction from others that it must be of God. Even T is starting to feel at peace at relinquishing his standing as my protector and letting the great protector carry me under His wing instead. Please continue to pray that everything will continue to progress smoothly.

As an aside, I also purchased two handkerchiefs at a second hand store recently as I figured that most likely, I would be going through a supply of Kleenex over a week and a half. Funny, T absolutely thinks handkerchiefs are the nastiest things ever. Anyway... a recent post on Compassions' bulletin board from someone who went to Ethiopia last year told me to get ready as it will completely break my heart. In his words, "Not because you will feel sorry for their condition, but because they will make you realize your own condition. I met the most selfless, content, faithful, and loving people and I try every day to be more like them. " It brought to mind:

Matthew 13:22
The seed that fell among the thorns represents those who hear God’s word, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life and the lure of wealth, so no fruit is produced.

Sometimes I think how much easier we would be able to hear the whisper of the Lord without the cell phone's ring, TV's call, or computer screen's lure. In the US, we think we have so much but are we really the ones that are lacking? Everything we have will one day waste away and then where will we stand? So my education begins in February. And I can't wait to get started as I feel that I have just begun to get a glimpse of my destitution through my work with Compassion. The above poster Steven also wrote that, "we never regret the good things we do, only the good things we don't do." Something to think about, how much fruit have I produced lately?