My Little Man

After all the talk about big boy's mad baseball skills - I thought it only fair to showcase our next ESPN hero:

Braeden could really have cared less for ball last year. In the yard, on the team, on the field... it was Seth's sport so Braeden just played social butterfly with the girls and other little brothers instead. Last year he would stand in the in-field, have a ball roll 2 feet away from him and he would look to the other players like, "um, ya'll gonna get that???". UNTIL this year. My boy has discovered the thrill of the game and the fact that 'my goodness, I'm pretty good at this too.'

Last week, Braeden comes up to bat, the first in that inning. He takes a few practice swings while the other team is coming on the field..... makes a 'V' with his fingers to let the pitcher (a buddy in his class) know "I'm watching you..." Sees me with the camera, smiles a big cheesy smile and crack!!! burns a triple into the outfield. Hits 3rd base, looks to the yelling paparazzi, doubling as score keeper, doubling as a team mom, and flashes the hugest "yeah, I know I'm bad" grin... which I miss capturing by mere seconds. A play later he slides perfectly into home, even though the ball was safely a good 100 feet away. Cause I just love to do clay stained laundry... that's why.
So in this weeks game, slugger comes up to bat with bases loaded. I yell "come on little man!!" to which he stops, backs out of the batters box, looks at me and says his standard response, "how can I be a MAN if I'm LITTLE????" (Never pass up a chance to question your mother. ) Recomposes, steps back in, hits it into the outfield. Drives 3 runs in and I'm sure he would have had a grand slam if he hadn't have been waving to the crowd and jogging around the bases. Another triple for the little man. The above is why I currently give up having a clean house, food in the fridge, and nightly walks. I may complain, but I wouldn't trade these moments for the world.

Me thinks he might be a playa'

See this extremely adorable young man??


This kid now lives and breathes baseball. We get calls daily on what a good job he is doing on the team, how he worked his butt off, how he really was awesome that game.

He knows baseball. And yet tonight, in one of his little league games (not the tournament team) - he sees a ball hit at a diagonal, on it's way foul - and yet he races, saves it, and snatches it up fair. A real player would have let it roll foul and sent the batter back to the box. But a real player he is, hmmmm.

Did I happen to mention the batter had long curly blond hair? And just happen to be a name I heard many times last year from little brother --- "Seth loves Aaaaaaabbbbbby"?

And did I happen to mention that Abby just happened to have already struck out twice. And already had two fouls on her? And that by Seth 'saving' that foul, she was able to make it to first and not risk striking out again???? hmmmm.

Oh yeah, he's a playa. And a real sweet one at that.....



Is this not the most adorable little catcher you have EVER seen???

Honestly

Just realized it has been about 2 weeks since I posted last. I must lead a boring life.

The truth is - I didn't have much to say to uplift and encourage, or even get a giggle; so I thought it better to not write at all.

Recently I had a comment on my 'lament of my lack of compassion' post which stated that she was glad to read something real. Something honest. So here we go again folks... gotta get real again.

Honesty: a Christian music artist wrote on his blog about a year ago about his major battle with depression and I thought that was one of the most courageous things he could have done. To put it all out there, to confess his weaknesses, was so strong. Especially with his status in the Christian community. To say, "here I am. I'm not a super Christian. I'm having trouble with my faith just like you do." That was strong.

And I have always admired women/mothers who didn't try to be Miss Suzie Homemaker and sell their lives as perfectly perfect with perfectly perfect children, a perfect marriage, and a perfect hair-do to boot.

I would much rather hear about how their baby threw up on them during church, how none of their shorts will button anymore, and how their slipper got stuck on the crud that hadn't been mopped off the kitchen floor in days. Just to know that someone else doesn't mop everyday somehow makes my heart feel good. Honesty.

So here is my sticky crud, my dear bloggy friends - nothing has happened - we still have great, healthy kids - we still have a close, healthy marriage - and we still have good, stable jobs (for the time being anyway..) We are so blessed compared to so many we know. And yet I have to honestly say that I am struggling.

When we started this adoption, we were warned: "watch out, Satan will be attacking you." And it happened, quickly. Like that same week. I'll spare you all the details but in effect, the father of lies put a huge wedge between us and our church family. So we moved on. And then he did it again. And so we moved on. And since that time, we have been searching for a place to belong, a place to worship, a place to rest. And it hasn't happened. To take someone away from the body of believers, is sufficating. The lies we tell ourselves, the paranoia we feel, keep us from finding that resting place. You feel rejected, and very much like the prodigal son. So far from God but knowing you need to somehow go home.

At this point, I miss God. I miss hearing his voice. I miss feeling his presence. I miss opening the Bible and reading exactly what I needed to read. There is a huge void. Yet I know that it is me who left - and Him who is waiting for me to come back closer.....

And then the guilt - knowing that so many have it far worse, and are leaning on Him. So many have so much more to deal with, and they are resting in His arms. And yet, what is my problem? What a bad Christian I must be?? Isn't his power made strong in our weakness? So why do I feel like I am rejecting that help?

So today I got the best message from a friend with a post from a devotional book called "Rain on Me". It spoke of an analogy of God waiting on us in the storm with the umbrella. We can try to run through the downpour - but God is patiently waiting. Saying "I'm walking in the rain with you, and I'm giving you my umbrella."

It went on to say how when you are walking together under an umbrella, to avoid the rain, you must draw near and close to the one holding it vs. wanting to run on our on through that rain as fast as we can. And how "being under God's umbrella isn't a walk through a park on a sunny day. There is an intimacy to it, though, that one day, we may look back on with longing. We've all heard people say, "I'm glad that time in my life is over, but sometimes I miss how close I felt to God."

Not trying to garner sympathy, or words of compassion (for you compassion gifted souls). Just wanted to put out there that I think we all have moments where we struggle. Where we insist on being the spoiled brat pouting and walking soaking wet in the rain while our Daddy is walking beside us, waiting for us to suck it up and step under his umbrella. So honestly, while I wait for this shower to stop, and pray for the storms to pass over me, I know he's still there. And I know where I need to honestly be.



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Adoption non-news:

** Ethiopia is officially back to a two-trip country. Once for court and again to pick up your child 2-3 months later.

** Our homestudy is still MIA. As of last week they were still waiting on our background checks to come back. And yes, it was scheduled to be done in February. Thank you for asking.

** we are working on getting lots of stuff together for a mega yard sale to take place sometime this spring. Hopefully more info on that will be coming soon. I delegated the sales portion of this adoption adventure to my salesman hubby. We'll see how long that assignment lasts before I pull rank and 'just do it myself' like all women do.

You're not seeing things...

that little thermometer on the side.... Yeah, it appears to be stuck. Our chip-in account, also stuck. But no - we are pretty much just hanging around.

Unfortunately, a good amount of the money we had been saving the last few weeks just went out the door to our homestudy agency to finish up our homestudy and pay the travel expenses for our social worker. A mere $500 more than we had estimated. So we are back to needing $5000 to have our money to submit our dossier when the timing is ready.

And that's kind of been stuck too. We 'thought' we were done with our homestudy. Finally. But it needed a small wording change. So then we 'thought' we were done with our homestudy. But then they found out our background checks had expired after only 6 months. So we again submitted the permission forms and an extra fee and are now in a holding pattern again. Until we 'think' we have a finalized homestudy that we can submit to Charleston to try to get our government permission paper - that coveted i-171h form that I think can take from 30-90 days to receive.

And by then, we are hoping, no - praying, no - trusting - that God will have provided our needs for the remaining $5000 to submit our dossier. Cause it stinks being stuck.

**as an aside, in case you were wondering: since we didn't sell the house, why not a home equity loan? We checked into that too - with our $20,000 equity. They could only approve a loan of $5000. Which is too low for a home equity loan to be drawn up. Go figure, and here we 'thought' home equity loan meant the equity on your home?

** as another aside, I can completely see how pork projects get through Congress. A.K.A. bribes for votes. With this health care bill that may truly bankrupt our country and increase all our taxes, and increase our insurance rates to the astronomic proportions - also came an extension on the Adoption Tax Credit which was set to expire in 2010. It also increased the amount refunded to a little over $13,000. Which is awesome!! I just hate the $3,546,035 I'll have to pay in taxes/insurance to be able to get that $13,000 refund.

** and as if 2 asides were just not enough - Ethiopia courts just posted a sign saying the 'two-trip' rule for parents to attend court was suspended indefinitely. But our agency is still recommending planning for 2 trips just in case they change back. And thaaaaaat's all folks!

Best Place Ever

Braeden has been begging me to go eat Ethiopian food since oh... last February when I got back from my trip. He prides himself on being able to "eat anything I make". And that's a good thing. As in, my little trooper will actually eat fish, spinach, and mushrooms like his mommy - AND like them.

So on a trip back to NC to celebrate his birthday, we made a detour through downtown Charlotte to go to Meskerem - one of only 2 Ethiopian restaurants close enough for us to visit. Little sister was also with us but with her picky palate, I opted for the PB&J before we left the house.

SO - the progression of the most perfect date with my son - with a little chaperone named Addi:
Waiting for a table having nice chit-chat around the traditional Ethiopian serving platter.
Yummy food arrives. We are so stoked. The bread under it (injera) is what you use to pick it up. We had beef tibs, spicy beef (in the middle), really, really good collard greens, and bean sides (the yellow and orange on the left). You just use a piece of your injera to pick up a piece of meat or a little veggie, and pop it in. Even a kid can do it!!
You KNOW I'm not going to eat that!
My favorite (and his) - the beef tibs.
Oh, sweet Meskerem, we think we love you. We put a hurtin on that plate o' goodness. But just couldn't make it to the finish line.

Braeden's review: "that was the BEST PLACE EVER!!!"

Change is a happenin'

I'm emotionally and physically worn out. For the last two days I have purged our house of every toy or child item that hasn't been touched in 2 weeks and man did it feel good. Or not. "I'm too old for this" my back is screaming. In reality - our local consignment sale is next week and for the first time ever, I'm actually working on it earlier than the night before. Go me.

In today's news: Ethiopia has now decided to make their adoption process a two-tripper. Some other countries have had this in place for some time but we were getting out easy. When we started last year the process was - you wait forever, you get your kiddos picture and history, a month or so later you went to court and prayed to pass, if you passed, you would get to travel a month or so later to pick up said kiddo.

Then last month, after CBS came out with a 2 min. expose on corrupt Ethiopian adoptions (based on an Australian puff peace which has already been investigated and found to be seriously flawed), and idiot Americans tried to smuggle Haitian babies across country lines (seriously, were they not thinking at all???) ---- the US Embassy started doing long investigations before issuing exit visas. And they started limiting appts. to 10 per month, per agency. So you pass court - then wait 2-3 months before being able to get an appt. to pick up your kiddo. And seriously, I understand the investigation aspect and agree it is a good thing to make sure children aren't being stolen from their parents. But why not before you are the legal parents of that child??? Wouldn't that be the best time to make sure the adoption is legit??

So after today: you wait forever, you get your child's picture and history, a month or so later, both parents have to travel to Ethiopia to attend court and verify that yes, they do want to love and care for this child. Then, you travel home, without your baby ..... and wait 2-3 months for the US Embassy to decide that yes, the adoption is legit and you can go back and get the child.

The upside - we will get to see Olivia, hold Olivia, kiss Olivia about 3-4 months earlier than we would have otherwise. Which is awesome. Another upside is that it looks like because we will have seen our child before court, it allows you to come home on another type of Visa. One which will make her officially a US citizen upon entrance to the country. Which means we will not have to go through the long process of paying to have her re-adopted. Which was a whole other paperwork hassle after you get home.

The downside - coming home without her. And knowing that she is in an orphanage. Being cared for by other women. Without you. That sucks. Another downside - the $4-5000 extra that a second trip will require. That sucks too. (Sorry for the language but there is just no other way to explain how I feel about it.)

BUT - that's a lot of change going on in 6 months. So who knows what the next year will hold as we wait? And while I stress about not having the money.... how are we going to get the money.... having to leave her behind after seeing her.... I read these passages this morning:

Psalm 20:4-5 "May he give you the desire of your heart. May he make all your plans succeed. We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the Lord grant all your requests."

If God can design drops of rain into a rainbow, and the changing color of the leaves - I'm sure He's got this under control too.

Confessions of a Blogaholic

I confess, I am addicted to adoption blogs. Just being able to follow families from the paperwork chase, to submission of their dossier (oh, dance of joy...), to referral of that sweet baby's face, to travel and home - it is addicting. And I spend way too much time that should be devoted to laundry salivating over little round faces with great big eyes.

And while we are in the mood to confess (or me anyway) - after a Sunday School lesson this past week, I need to confess to all my peeps - I have no mercy. Or very little. It's sad really. Feel free to stop following me at this point.

We did a spiritual gifts survey to which my score in the mercy column, let's just say, it's less than the number of fingers I have. Almost on one hand. As a Compassion advocate, I should probably be fired.

But as I told the teacher, I have mercy, it's just for certain people... To which he said, "that may be the definition of not having mercy." Oh, mercy.

Let me explain - if you are going through a divorce, sorry, I can't help you. If you have just been diagnosed with a strange foot disease, I really don't want to talk about it with you. If your brother's mother-in-law's second cousin was just diagnosed with cancer, I would be lying if I said I would be praying for you. I just can't do it. And up until now, I have felt really, really guilty about that. Like I am an emotional defect. Why is it my hubs has his heart ripped out when he finds out a complete stranger has cancer and my response (inwardly at least) is usually very ho-hum? We've seen a very dear friend fight and die from cancer and as painful as it was to see her go through - she's dining with the creator of the universe right now while I'm eating shredded wheat - who's got it better now?

I know that all sounds very callous and heartless but as I said, I realized that while I don't have the gift of mercy - I think I'm pretty content that I scored when God was giving out the presents none-the-less.

I got the gift of prophecy. Which just sounds cool to me. In the description, it listed those people as "strong convictions and expects others to as well; need to express herself verbally, especially regarding right and wrong; painfully direct when correcting others; persistent in expressing feelings regarding need for change; ability to proclaim God's truth without compromise." Oh honey, if you looked my name up in the dictionary - that might just be the definition! Big mouth, big heart, but also big attitude about telling you about it.

So while I may not be the one to be visiting rest homes weekly or baking casseroles for widowed spouses, I am pretty passionate about showing mercy to those little ones who are so often overlooked. And the way I figure it, since God is perfect, and His plan is perfect, He must think it is perfectly alright that He made me this way. Cause He's got those areas already covered and needs me for other things, right?

So what gift did our Daddy give you?