Bits and Pieces

Today was an all-day Olivia day. We got to spend a few hours with her this morning, in which she slept almost the entire time... and then out to lunch and back to do some more huggin and silly face makin. So I figured I would list some of the highlights of our trip for those getting ready to travel or who just want to be in the know:

* Tony was sick today and came back to veg out after lunch, doing much better now. No one else has gotten sick. But we have stayed away from anything freshly cut (fruit, tomatoes, salad) and all dairy products except an occasional macchiato with creme (yummmmy). Cooked things is the key to a happy stomach. And the occasional TUMS. We also started probiotics a few days before our trip. The kids haven't been taking theirs now as I don't have applesauce or yogurt to mix it in and they hate it in drinks... I've still been taking every morning and have been fine.

* Mindy saw a woman peeing in the middle of the median yesterday. A sight SHE wont forget. She and Tony are having a hard time with the smells of Addis. All the cars/trucks have bad exhaust fumes and the smell of fumes, burning charcoal, and strange to us spices in the air has been hard for them.

* Last night we met a truly awesome (and ultra-cool) American couple who moved here last September with their family to start a mission in Addis. We met at Sishumi - known for their American-style charcoal grilled burgers and fries. SO good. Burgers in Ethiopia do NOT taste like American burgers, but these were better than American. The restaurant had a wooden castle playground under it where the kids could play - so very cool to let the adults talk in piece while the kids played.

* Today for lunch we ate at a place called Avanti. And again - I was blown away. Braeden and I shared a homemade pasta with spinach/cheese/salmon filling. SO good. Best thing I have eaten in a long time.

* The portions for most restaurants we have gone to are HUGE. But with 5 people, agreeing on plates to share in a foreign country has been difficult.. so we have been getting all our leftovers packaged to give to the street boys as we go out to our van. Braeden and Addison LOVE giving their food away. There are lots of street boys. And women on the street with babies in slings. And older men who are crippled. It is so eye-opening to see how lucky Americans are to have programs to take care of those in need. The night before our trip, Tony had a gas station attendent tell him we 'shouldn't be adopting over there but taking care of our own here.' Sigh.... While I hate the way the system is abused, thank God for welfare, food stamps, and the foster care system to take care of 'our own'.

*Olivia - amazingly healthy. With a big ole pot belly. They feed them about every 2 hours, going back and forth between bottles and some kind of mushy food. Like pasta which looks like Campbell's chicken rings or rice cereal. She showed us she CAN crawl today. Before she wouldn't go out of my arms far enough away to crawl to me. But she has finally taken to Seth and would let him take her about 2 feet away to crawl to me. We were a little worried about her right side as she holds her hand a little weird and her leg turns a bit out... so I'm thinking she may have to have a little early intervention. But this is pretty common. So glad to see she has a great pincher grasp with both hands to pick up cereal and her crawling was perfect. She's not really trying to walk yet and I'm thinking that foot may hold her back for a little while. Totally fine by me to keep her my little baby a little longer before toddlerhood.

* Olivia's 11 month birthday was today :) Kinda. They estimate birthdays in Ethiopia so they are not exactly sure what her birthday is.

* To be clear - we can't bring her home next Tuesday. She is all ours in the eyes of Ethiopia. And I could take possession of her now if I were to move here in the interim. But the US Government now requires her new birth certificate and adoption decree (around 2 weeks time to get), a passport (more waiting time) and another medical evaluation before they even will accept her paperwork to look at. They will then decide if everything looks great, and call us back to come to her exit visa interview.... or to investigate and most likely send our case to Nairobi. We are guessing on the 'safari' to Nairobi as all other abandonment cases have gone that direction so far. So possibly 2-4 more months before I can come back. Which stinks. Highly.

* The kids have been playing with the kids at the transition home everyday with no problems. Soccer, drawing, puzzles... Braeden got a drum as his souvenior and took it into the toddler room yesterday ---- most precious sight ever to see he and Addi beating that drum while the nannies clapped along and babies danced around them. Precious.

* The kids love playing pee-pi with Olivia and having her imitate their silly sounds and squeals. She loves to play with them. While sitting on my lap that is :) She is starting to try to play peek a boo by lifting one hand up to her eye and yesterday started clicking her tongue to get Tony to play that imitation game with her. Today she was taking her bottle and I was talking to another mom - Olivia made little noises to get me to look her in the eyes again - I guess she has read the attachment books!

* She has been babbling /dadada/ and /bababa/ for a couple days but finally today - I was able to get her to do /mama/. SOOOO sweet. But so not intentional. Yet.

* We have been calling the baby by Selam, Olivia, Livvie - and trying to remember to say Olivia Selam. But right now, poor thing gets all three. My intention was to use Olivia Selam for a while so she would hear both. She already recognizes Selam and will turn her head when called.

* I have been able to reunite with my dear friend Eyerusalem on this trip and it has been so sweet to be able to see her again. She and her husband helped us to hire a driver to take us tomorrow about 3 hours away to visit the orphanage she was in until December, and the place where she is from. We will then travel down to Hawassa to see a gorgeous African lake and go on a boat ride to see the hippos.

enough for now - I need to pack for the trip!

Olivia Selam Wages

Olivia Selam Wages

Daughter of Tony & Tracy Wages

March 8th, 2012

**Selam means 'peace'**

Woman on a Mission

Today was our big shopping day... I had told the kids they each could pick ONE thing. So the first store we go in, Addison makes a selection... Hmmm, let's keep on moving. 'But, that's what I want!' Well, let's go to the next store.. Pretty dress? No. Handmade doll? No. Pretty bracelet? No. Next store, and the next, and the next... how about this wooden carved girl with braids? No. 'I want that back there.' How about this really cool drum? Nope.

She had made up her mind and there was no changing it. Above - view Addison's new love. His name is T. After our guide here that she likes. She carries T around with her and loves him. And shows him off. He ate lunch with us today. And she is completely infatuated with his spear and shield. I think it is HILARIOUS. That out of all the things she could have chosen, she chose a warrior man with a goat skin cloak and pointey spear. Hilarious.

And any guesses on which child chose the goatskin drum and which one chose the artistically carved staff? Hmmm, not too hard folks.

In other news, Olivia is doing fantastic. The kids are still doing great. They are really starting to love her and their funny faces, noises, and squeals will now make her break out into the biggest smiles and her own squeals. She is starting to interact with Tony more and even looked at him today and clicked her tongue to cue him she wanted him to do it to her like he had been. Smart girl!! He's pretty stoked that she has been babbling /dadada/. (I'll give him that one) However, I sadly had to post on Facebook that I am worried her behind is broken.... she cries every.single.time I set her down or in someone's lap. But she is perfectly fine in my arms. I love it. We had heard she knew how to crawl but after several attempts of putting her on all fours, each time she would sit back up and put one hand back to touch me, which kind of inhibited the crawling motion a great deal. We are just amazed at how great this is going. The difference in her in the last 3 days has been so awesome to see. She still doesn't like kisses, even from me, and stiffens up when you hug her... but we'll get there.

Keep praying folks, tonight as you sleep is our morning court date. SO wild that we were filling out paperwork today with her name S******** Wages in preparation for her passing and becoming our legal daughter. And hopefully, tomorrow we can share her name AND her precious face!!

Sweeter than ice tea

Go ahead, cue the AWWWWWWW. Tony sucking in all the Olivia he can in the 10 minutes I gave him out of a short 2 1/2 hours at the transition home. Mommy is a baby hog and likes to explain it with attachment theories. And since Daddy hasn't read those books yet...... Truth be told - we went in the morning today so we had her play on my lap until she got comfortable with us again, then an interview with the dr., then Addison fed her cereal, in which she fell asleep eating, and she slept in my sling until it was time to go. Not that I'M complaining or anything! I have come to the conclusion that once she comes home, we may need a laundry service to do our clothing because mommy wont be getting much accomplished besides baby holding!

This morning when I went in to get Olivia she whimpered a bit when the nanny handed her to me but had completely quit fussing by the time we made it to the front door. She immediately went back to the point we had gotten to yesterday (in our last 10 min before we had to leave) where she was finally comfortable to play with her toys, eat baby puffs, and play with our faces. However, little sister put big sister into a crying fit when she tried to hold her. Olivia was having none of me handing her off just yet that early in the morning and it really upset Addi - "She hates me!!!" she cried and pouted. The real tears quickly turned to attention tears - the first of many I am sure. Redemption came later when I let her feed the baby her cereal. Olivia even would open her mouth and imitate Addi saying 'aaaaa'. Those moments were enough to put Addison into hyper mode the rest of the day.

After lunch, we went to visit two orphanages in the city. We weren't able to see many kids at the first one as they were in school but did get to play a little in the baby room. My 3 loved talking to the little ones and making them kick their little legs. At the second orphanage, as the kids got out of school - my littles had a blast giving them little balls, McDonald's toys, and cars. Braeden said, "the orphanage was really fun because I got to blow up rocket balloons and let them go and the kids would laugh like poop. Hmm, but poop doesn't laugh! Whoops." Seth said, "I wanted to yell at you because you said they would be so sad. I didn't think they were sad!"

Speaking of attachment, the Dr. said Olivia looked like she was doing great and really settling in with us. She had no real issues and is really healthy. She did great in the sling, even when I first put her in it. I was holding her in the sling in the drs office and even when the nurses came in - she didn't reach for the dr or nurses - something that made me smile a little inside as when we have our outside time, I have no 'competition' of beautiful Ethiopian faces for her to crave instead of my lap. Yesterday, she would pull away when we went to kiss her but today she let me hug and kiss all over her without being frightened. All these baby steps are so important as we have the difficult task of teaching Olivia that we are HERS. That WE will feed her. WE will hold her when she is upset. And WE will love her - unconditionally. And most of all, that WE will not be (after we bring her home) passing her off to the next shift or next place to live. In her little life, her moving to America will be her fourth move. So we have alot of work to do in that area. So glad to see little hints of her accepting us beginning.

Olivia Wages at first sight

We are here and all is GREAT. none of us slept very much on the plane but we were so wired on adrenoline that today flew by. We and our 12 checked bags, 6 carryons, 3 personal items, and 3 children --- were quiet a sight at both checkin security in Charlotte and again at customs in Addis. It took 45 min to get through!! The kids did amazing on the flight - no real meltdowns.. they loved flying. I think Addison watched the newest Chipmunk movie approx 4 times.... and a Dr. Seuss movie 3. No exaggeration.

Just for posterity's sake - our trip consisted of leaving Charlotte at 7:30 am (got up at 3am) ... hour layover in Washington DC, and left Dulles at 10:45 am, Sunday. Arrived in Addis 8 am Monday morning. That's a loooong haul. It was hilarious when we landed in Washington after the first hour flight and Addison exclaimed, "HEY! We're not in Africa!!!"

We met another family back at the guest house and then went to eat lunch (pizza, pasta). Addison scarfed her pasta down and then begged for 15 min, 'let's goooooooo. I want to see Olivia!!'

Meeting Olivia was awesome... unbelievable. She was really scared at first - which attachment wise, is a good thing, it's best that she doesn't think every adult is a parent to have fun with. No crying fits but a lot of big tears and pouty lips. She gets overwhelmed really easy with people or toys and I would have to have the bigs walk away some as when they were all in her face throwing new toys at her, she would start the lip trembling. She did the same with Tony but after having him feed her both her bottle and pasta soup, she did better with him. But still reached for me :)

The last 10 min before we left she started finally playing with us and would try to bounce on my knee more or put her hand over Seth's mouth for him to make noises. We even caught a couple little smiles and a few mini squeaks of sound. SO great to see her progress so quickly. I begrudgingly took her inside and a random nanny took her and when I told her goodbye, she waved to me! Then put out one hand toward me leaning to me, so I acted like I would take her and she came right to me! The guide with us said, "That's very quick" Progress!!! Made Mommy's day.

We then came back to the guest house and while Mindy, Addi, Tony, and Seth have already crashed... Braeden is still up playing and I'm still wired tight. Unless you count me falling to pieces on the rooftop when I went up to email. I'm not a cryer and haven't gotten emotional the last couple weeks at all.... didn't even cry this afternoon - it just felt good to have that sweet thing in my arms!! But once back here, all the emotions slammed into me. We are here. In Addis. And will spend ALL day tomorrow with the daughter we have prayed for and fought for, for 2 long years. Thank you Lord for putting us on this path.

Adoption Fundraising

We just got our in-country travel package bill today and paid that bad boy so I have $$ issues on my mind! That and a friend asked for fundraising advice so here it is for anyone else interested.. pardon the crappy grammar/punctuation but I don't have time for a real post right now and am trying to shake sickness - so you get the email version. My apologies.

In regards to in-country expenses, we will be in country 9 days this trip. and 2 more to travel to/from. You only are required to stay 4-5 but we tacked on extra days since this is a once-in-a-lifetime and the airfare is the bulk of the cost - why not stay longer to see more? We have arranged those extra days to go to her hometown and tour the orphanage she stayed in until placed with our agency. So that adds some extra expense but we also feel it is well worth it.

Now onto fundraising - keep in mind that my kids had to have passports, shots, and airfare -- and we had said only, and only IF God provided money for them to go, could they go. So that hikes our price up a bit vs others. My jaw dropped when I added up today's final total. NO.WAY. I have NO idea how all that was paid. I just know that we had $20-$40 little donations, little store sales, little bit in savings for the last 3 years... and it added up. Remember, we started at $0. ZERO.

We have about $3-4000 left to fundraise for Trip #2 but I have no worries!! As my dear friend Farrah told me once re: the kids shots -- write the check as if God has already put the money in your account. Faith.

Fundraising Letters - we put the support letter on the back burner as a 'last resort' since I had just sent out letters a year prior for the Compassion missions trip I took. But would have used it if we still needed to, here in the end stretch. Many people do, and have success. (And it's not off the table for this last amount, either.) One thing to remember, someone once told me as far as sending out letters - you feel like - 'I know they don't have the money so I'm not going to ask' BUT then you are stealing a blessing away from them that God may have intended for them. If they give $10, God may bless them 10-fold. So why make the decision to not give them the opportunity?

As far as tax deductions - our agency has a fund they can donate to and be tax deductible, the Eternal Family Fund. We had $1000 in there today to be taken off our bill owed. $500 made it's way in there without me knowing it. But we also had 2 churches offer to be our conduit for tax ded. donations. They offered for people to write checks to them with our name in the memo and then to write them back to us as a missions donation.

Grants - I also know of several couples who have gotten grants, some straight out, some matching. There are many out there - we are applying for one specifically for Carolina residents now "Caroline's Promise" for the remaining $3000 we need. For most you need a completed homestudy to apply.

Yard Sales - We have had 3 (maybe 4) mega yard sales with anything I could find to sell in our house and donations from other people. We made around $600 each time. But those are ALOT of work, I am henceforth yard-selled out.

In regards to feeling like we need to pay back donations once our adoption is complete - no. I truly feel that God blesses those that follow his commands to help take care of the orphan and it is the same as with missions - some are asked to GO and some are asked to GIVE. None are asked to DO nothing. The tax credit is changing anyway so it will no longer be refundable.. (stinks) so no money coming back into our hands which we could repay to donors anyway. Now it will just offset any taxes we owe. Which will help me as I always owe, being self-employed but families such as pastors and such who never have to pay and always get refunds, wont see
much of anything.

Raffles, suppers - What we started with - $ZERO: a family friend donated a framed print which we raffled off and made $800. you would be surprised how many things you could get donated if you ask. Many families do silent auctions paired with a spaghetti/pancake dinner with homemade cakes etc to get started and have done very well.

T-shirts - we tried doing t-shirts but didn't make much there. lots have good success with selling shirts. "Simply Love" is a cool organization that makes really cute shirts, you can 'purchase' their design kit and sell their shirts for a profit, even if adopting domestically.

Coffee Sales - we signed up with 'just love' coffee company. they are an Ethiopia adopting family but I think are open to any kind of adoption - you just send people to your 'storefront' website address and get $5 for every bag sold. I think we have made around $600 this way with no read effort. The best coffee E'VA.

BIGGEST TIP: don't TRY to raise the money. Let God lead you on what to try and go for. That way he gets the glory and we don't. I have struggled with this on and off but truly, this is the FIRST time (well, this and the trip I took prior) where I actually practiced my faith. Before it was just that he was a God I said I worshiped on Sundays but really didn't believe in His awesome power with my actions. But when I let go and said 'you do it Daddy' it happened.

Fundraising Store - I found a company where I could buy wholesale as I was looking for African toys to sell to adopting parents.. the toys weren't that cute so I didn't. But kept feeling the Spirit tell me to 'buy the zebras and giraffes'. haha. So I did - but they weren't that cute and didn't sell!!! BUT - that got me going with the jewelry and soaps and we have now made $3-4000 off Lil' Olivia's. I have heard of other families who have sold cookie cutters, magnets, stickers, homemade dolls, paintings, etc. Etsy is a great place to find and support families selling items for their adoptions.

I tried to paint watercolor painting and sell them - and haven't sold a one. I had a friend out-of-the-blue give me 15 baby blankets to sell and only have 3 left.

God provides: Over, and over, and over - we have heard - God provides. We have heard it said many times - "you guys are so great to do this, I wish we could." or "I've always wanted to adopt but we just don't have the money." Zero friends. ZERO. Did you catch that? God provided it all. Tens of thousands of dollars that HE provided for us to be blessed enough to call this little munchkin a Wages. Take that first step. Say I will GO. And watch Him WORK.

**just as a reminder, I have a page entitled 'Our Paper Pregnancy' which lists times, costs, etc. associated with our adoption. It isn't to see 'how much she cost' - but instead to encourage others that even when things seem to be hopeless, God still has the details, even when they seem insurmountable and that total amount of $ or total amount of time it takes seem like a mountain too huge to scale.

The Pessimistic's Perception on Wait Times

At this point - I could go back and link up to the top 10 depressing posts of the last 2 years as we waited for our referral. And there were a few standouts.

crying out that we could go no longer
questioning why it was taking so much longer than it should
pouting about how long it was taking

And that's not counting all the 'it should be X many months!!', 'we DEFINITELY will have our baby home in 2011!!', 'yeah, we've been waiting X months!!'. All those and my cheerleader optimism kind of makes me snort now.

And I could list all the comments and encouragements we received in the last months - those that helped, and those that after hearing them for the 1,324,532th time in a year, started to make me throw up just a little in the back of my throat:

It's all in God's timing. God's timing is perfect. Good things come to those who wait. Have you heard anything yet? She's just not ready yet. You'll forget all this once you see her face.

But no, I haven't forgotten. Do I believe in God's timing? YES. A resounding YES. Have I forgotten the tears, the pain, the feeling that God had left us out to dry? NO. A resounding NO.

BUT. What I can tell you - and especially any of you who are in the Hell that is adoption waiting - is that it will pass. And you will be happy you were made to wait.

Last fall I was feeling so defeated... we had counted on a 2011 baby. And a friend got her referral for a gorgeous little girl. And then another got her referral for a teeny tiny little girl. I turned a light shade of green with envy.

I've now seen those two girls. They are NOT my girl.

Right before Christmas, we were praying for a Christmas baby. A dear friend got her referral for another precious little munchkin. Or big munchkin to be exact! Why couldn't we have a Christmas baby to celebrate over I pouted? I've seen that girl.  I've held and kissed that baby girl.  She is NOT my girl.

In late December, we got wind of another teeny tiny little girl. I was #1 on the list and KNEW that was our girl. Our referral was not that teeny tiny little girl. I've seen that precious girl.  Cuddled her close.  She is NOT my girl.

But I look at MY GIRL. Every night I look at her photos. They scroll through my album like a mini-movie just for me. And THAT is MY GIRL. My heart feels her. My heart aches for her. Hurts for her when I heard she was sick. Cries tears for her to think she doesn't have her mommy to hold her feverish body. That is MY GIRL.

Is it because our names are attached? A couple files matched up? No, I don't think so.. I think it is because of the true miracle of adoption - and how God prepares your heart for just the right child. And those other babies, while amazingly cute - their puzzle pieces just wouldn't have fit mine. And that is amazing to me.

So while I hurt for all those 'stuck', who haven't seen their littles yet. And ache for that puzzle piece sized hole in your heart to be filled - I have to tell you - at the risk of making you throw up a little in the back of your throat: I was one of the WORST waiters. I was pessimistic. I was not encouraging. I was frankly, pretty pissed at the whole process. But God's timing is perfect.

Would I trade it, to have another child's picture taking residence in my purse, on my mantel, in my kitchen, on my computer, in my heart 6 months or a year ago? No. Because MY little wasn't born a year ago when I was praying, hoping, knowing that our referral would come any day. But God's timing is perfect.

I have no idea why we were THE group that had their i600 requests lost in a monstrous stack at USCIS for 3 months, putting us 3 months behind the crowd. Or why we were in THE group that got stuck in what will be known as the Great Ethiopian Adoption slowdown. But I know God's timing is perfect. And I know he was here all along - smiling at me, his pessimistic, frankly-a-little-pissed-off toddlerish daughter - holding my hand, and telling me he had it all under control.

It is 27 days til I hold MY GIRLS hand, and cry when I have to let her go. And hate having to wait to go back and get her. And not understanding why things are taking as long as they are. But, I will try.... I'll try... to remind myself then - that God's timing is perfect. And he'll still be holding my hand. I know it, because I am HIS GIRL.
(That's my girl holding a bracelet that I made SIX years ago. I had given it to my friend Jerry as we left Ethiopia from a week of visiting Compassion International projects. After being told that week that, "You are not here by accident. You are here for a reason. For you to have come to Ethiopia, at this time, this year, in 2009 - not last year, not the year after - is not an accident. God has his plan for you. Remember that."

Hmm, sound familiar?)